Answered questions and what ifs
by Kayxxx
Summary: This is a collection of mini stories written about any unanswered questions, wonderings and what ifs you have about our favourite brothers Ethan and Cal...The description in chapter one will make everything more clear. DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I do not own Casualty or any Casualty characters; however I do own any OCs. I hope you enjoy your read and want to get involved :)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, I'm back with more of a challenge than a story.**

 **I had an idea whilst writing a few days ago, I realised there's a lot we don't know about our favourite brothers and a lot of questions that lurk around them. So, my idea was, if you let me know the questions you have always wondered about Ethan and Cal and I'll try and come up with my take on them as a story. I think this would be a really fun thing to do and so feel free to make the questions as random and as silly as you like, the more challenging they are to answer, the more interesting they will be to write. For example: "Why is Ethan called 'Nibbles'?", "Why does Cal hate his father so much?" or something really random like "why is Ethan left handed?" (And I would have to come up with a back story to this, not just say "he's left handed because he is, that's it"). I think this will be a good way to get you lot involved as readers which I always enjoy doing so please feel free to leave a review or PM me of any unanswered questions, wonderings and what if's around the brothers and I will do my best to write up something worth reading, I will also name the person who left the review/message if you would like as credit. This could completely go to pot but it's worth a try right? Let's just say it will be interesting...This will be a collection of (short-ish) stories and one shots called "Answered questions and what if's" plainly because that's what it will be. I will try and update as much as I can but I will be writing as I publish so I doubt my much loved daily updates will be happening...*takes a deep breath***

 **This is one "what if" I came up with last year, based on one of my favourite episodes 'Born Lucky'. I hope you enjoy and want to get involved, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

What If – Cal was driving.

"Wow they're letting you drive? They're obviously in a rush! I'm just glad I'm not going, it's like taking part in a rally race being a car with you" Ethan mocked.

"He drives like an OAP!" Cal rolled his eyes looking at Max.

"No Cal, safely. That's how I drive. Safely." Ethan shook his head and looked back down at his notes.

"Well make sure you're back in time for the pub call anyway, first round is on me" Max announced with a grin.

"The rally race begins" Cal joked clapping his hands together; he looked at his brother who just shook his head unimpressed. Cal turned and headed out the door and into the car park.

"Wasn't it your idea for the funding? Shouldn't you be going?" Robyn asked confused.

"Yes I believe it was but I'll allow him to take the credit this time, after all they probably would get there much faster with him driving like a maniac! Plus I'm not really much of a public speaker" Ethan explained as he turned for cubicles.

* * *

"Right is everyone ready for our little road trip?!" Cal announced as he jumped into the driver's seat of the people carrier. He looked around at the unimpressed looks of his colleagues.

"Work trip." Lily corrected him.

"We have been for ten minutes now, waiting for you." Connie spoke firmly.

"Well, I'm here now" Cal forced a smile as he met the older woman's gaze. He slowly came to the realisation that this was not going to be the "fun road trip" he'd imagined. Well, being in the car with Connie, Ash, Tess and Lily, he could think of more interesting people to spend the trip with. He put the key in the ignition and turned up the radio in hopes it would lighten the mood. He pressed down on hard the pedal and started to drive but being stopped suddenly by Connie who frantically placed her hand on the steering wheel causing Cal to halt.

"Doctor Knight!" She yelled, hitting the radio off, "Your seat belt!" She ordered.

"Oh come on" Cal laughed and switched the radio back on.

Connie switched the radio off once again, "We are not leaving this car park until you put on your seat belt. Do you understand me?" She protested still with her hand over the steering wheel. Cal looked at her amused, unaware as to why she was being so strict.

"How many people do you treat on a daily basis who have been involved in a car accident and have been worse off than they would've been if only they had on their seat belt?" Connie looked at the younger man whose smile slowly dropped.

"Yes of course" Cal spoke with a hint of sarcasm and put on his seat belt, "there...can we go now?" Cal mocked as he looked toward Connie.

"Yes" she replied, more calmly.

* * *

"I'm afraid there's been a car accident involving our doctors and Tess" Charlie announced. Ethan's heart plummeted as he heard these words, all eyes looked towards him. He leaned back against the counter in hopes it would steady him as he felt weak. Cal, his brother was driving that car. "The driver of the other vehicle is on his way in" Charlie continued.

Ethan pulled himself together, "How about the driver of our vehicle?" He managed to whimper.

"That's all I know, sorry" Charlie replied, placing a comforting hand on Ethan's shoulder. "I know it will be difficult treating our own and so if anyone feels at all like stepping down, do so." Although Charlie spoke to the entire watching crowd he motioned his words towards Ethan, who kept his head down deep in thought. "Understand?" Charlie spoke raising his voice causing Ethan to snap out his thoughts enough to give a slight nod in reply. "Right, Robyn, Ethan, you're with me" Charlie ordered.

Robyn placed her hand on Ethan's back motioning him to walk. "Cal will be fine, he's a strong man!" Robyn whispered in hopes to reassure him but it was as though he hadn't even heard Robyn speak.

He sped up and walked alongside Charlie. "Charlie how bad is it?" Ethan whispered into Charlie's ear not really wanting to get an answer in case it would be bad.

"All I know is what I just said" he replied awkwardly as they made their way to the hospital entrance to be met by a bloody Connie.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked concerned, "We'll have to get that arm checked out" he spoke looking at her bloody arm.

"I'm fine" Connie replied firmly.

"You can't work with your arm like that" Charlie protested.

"Well I can at least offer advice". Connie looked up to meet Ethan's concerned gaze, it pained her to make eye contact with him.

"Mrs Beauchamp, how is Cal?" He whimpered.

Connie looked at him for a moment, unknowing as how to answer "he's...he's stable. They're working on getting him out of the car, he should be fine" she lied, forcing out a smile.

Ethan let out what he could of a sigh of relief and followed the trolley with the driver of the other vehicle on into the hospital.

"How is he really?" Charlie whispered as Ethan hurried off.

"Not good" she admitted.

* * *

Charlie had asked Ethan if he could treat Cal when he was brought in as he was the only doctor on hand to do so. Although he was reluctant to have such a huge pressure on his shoulders he agreed; his brother needed him.

"All this to get back in time for the pub! There are easier ways Caleb" Ethan joked as he inspected his older brother whose face was covered in blood and chest was badly bruised, it brought pain to Ethan just to see his brother in such a state. Never had he looked so...vulnerable.

"Ethan..." Cal mumbled as a tear trickled down his cheek.

"Don't try to speak, I know what I'm doing" he reassured him with a smile.

Ethan pressed on the chest of his elder brother who lay before him wincing in pain. As he pressed by his ribs Cal's arms shot up and grabbed Ethan's, ordering him to stop. "Okay so Cal's lashing out, I've seen him fight and I wouldn't want to be on the other side of it so let's get him something for the pain" Ethan mocked as he made his orders to Lofty and stood back allowing him to do his job. As he stood back out of view of Cal, his smile slowly dropped. His face turned to worry as he watched on haunted by what was happening.

* * *

Ethan stood at the nursing station doing anything possible to get the worry he had for his brother out of his head as Cal had been sent off for a CT scan. He felt physically sick the fact he had to leave Cal just for the mere half an hour it would take the CT to be done, however, he would be reunited with his brother a lot earlier than expected as he turned to find some porters rushing a trolley which his older brother lay on back into RESUS.

"What happened?" Ethan called in worry as he followed the trolley through the doors.

"Right, let's get another blood gas" Ethan called as he hovered over his brother.

"Give me an update" Connie announced as she burst through the doors.

"Heart rate's increasing, BP diving" Lofty replied as he read off Cal's monitor.

"Okay, scans reported back yet?" She asked as she looked at Cal's pupils.

"No, he went off before they had a chance to do them" Ethan replied, "Do you think this is an intracranial bleed?" Ethan suggested lowering his voice.

"It's a bleed but it's not from his head" Connie replied as she placed her stethoscope in her ears, Ethan's eyes shot down to Cal's bruised chest instantly.

"Right he's got a serious blunt chest trauma, let's not discount that" she spoke as she listened to Cal's chest with her stethoscope, she then pulled off his neck collar and examined his neck,

"Muffled heart sound, engorged neck vein, pulsus paradoxus" Connie stated looking up at Ethan.

"Beck's triad" Ethan swallowed hard, Connie nodded slowly.

"Oh he's got a tamponade" He announced as he looked down at his older brother with tears welling up in his eyes.

"It's fine, I've missed them in the past, it happens" Connie replied in reassurance.

Ethan never missed anything, he always ensures he covers every possibility, oh why did the one time he missed something _have_ to be when his brother's life was at stake?

"But we need to do a pericardiocentesis right away, I can't risk it with my wrist you're going to have to do it" she stated as she looked up at Ethan. He froze in shock as he felt his heart plummet.

"Alright Ethan?" She asked snapping him from his frozen state.

"...don't we need an echo?" Ethan spat out.

"No we don't have enough time we're going to have to go blind" Connie protested.

Ethan took in a deep breath and looked down at his older brother who was deteriorating so rapidly before his very eyes.

He swallowed hard and looked back up at Connie, "Mrs Beauchamp I- I've never done one before I-" she cut him off.

"Well now's the perfect opportunity to, alright?" She replied, "Ethan?" She called again.

He had to do this. "Yes" he replied with a nod of determination.

"45 degree angle to the skin, about here" she guided Ethan's hand to the point on Cal's chest where he had to plunge the needle.

" _He's just a patient, he's just a patient"_ Ethan thought repeatedly as he held the needle in his shaking hands.

He took in a deep breath and moved the needle towards his older brother's bruised skin, but just as he was about to make contact with him he shot a glance up to his face. This wasn't _'just a patient_ ' this was his brother; the last person he had left. His brother lay dying before him, he literally had Cal's life in his hands, if this went wrong...he shuddered at the thought.

"No" he muttered as he put the needle down. He stepped back away from the bed taking deep breaths in attempt to calm himself.

The sound of beeping that came from Cal's monitor suddenly quickened, "I don't want to worry anyone but he's in VT, with a pulse" Lofty announced sheepishly.

Ethan ran his hands through his hair and looked toward the door, it had never been so tempting to just run away and give up...

"Ethan, the pericardium is filling with blood and it's squeezing his heart if we don't do this now we're going to lose him okay?" Connie spoke out.

He couldn't give up. If this was the other way around would Cal give up? No way.

He picked up the needle and went back in, "you can do this" Connie whispered.

With the guidance of Connie at his side he pushed the needle into his older brother's chest, and retracted the blood from the sac that was squeezing his heart, the beeps from his monitor returned back to normal and Lofty spoke out, "OBs are back to normal, blood pressure is coming back up" He smiled.

Ethan released a shaky breath which he hadn't even noticed he'd been holding in.

"Well done" Connie praised.

* * *

He walked into the room where Cal lay sleeping, recovering from today's events and took a seat beside his bed.

"Never do that to me again, you had me questioning my medical skills and we both know that's something I'd never do" Ethan joked.

"Cal, without you..." His voice trailed off, he didn't want to think of a world without his older brother "...let's just say I wouldn't have anyone to moan at, or anyone there to tease me constantly, which, now I think of it doesn't seem too bad" he joked though tears brimmed in his eyes.

"You know that I'll always be here for you, I don't need to tell you that. I'll keep coming back for you Caleb because, you're my brother and I'll always protect you, I just will. You could literally tear my life apart and I'd still be there for you to fall back on if you ever needed me...that's not a free pass to do that though" he smiled sadly.

"Mum always loved the fact you lived life on the edge and always ended up going against the odds but hey, look at me, today I carried out my first pericardiocentesis at it was a success, what are the odds?" He joked as tears trickled down his cheeks which he wiped away with the back of his hand.

"Caleb, I'm so glad that you came back, because, I know I don't let it show much but I need you, here, with me, because you're all I've got left on this planet and I don't really plan on losing that anytime soon" he whimpered. He moved in closer to his brother and reached out to grab his hand but stopped just before it, "I love you Caleb" he whispered.


	2. The hugging curse - part one

**Unanswered question: "Why doesn't Ethan like hugs?"**

 **This was a question asked by both CBloom2 and TheAtomicCheesepuff – Thank you!**

 **I wondered a few episodes back why Ethan wouldn't hug Cal, I thought it was just the BBC being mean because they know we are eagerly awaiting a brotherly hug and/or an "I love you" from Ethan but here's a little back story I have come up with. The fact we know very little about the brothers allows us lots of opportunities to be as dramatic and OTT as we like with the fictional stories we write based on them, allowing our minds to do some wondering. Here is what I have come up with anyways. I was thinking of making it about Ethan having OCD when he was younger and not liking being touched but you all know I enjoy being as dramatic as I can with these stories and so I changed the plot, only slightly... ;) "The hugging curse" will come in two parts, I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always and keep leaving your unanswered questions, wonderings and what ifs in the reviews or my PM box as I'm constantly writing, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

The hugging curse – Part one

Seven year old Ethan Hardy was an incredibly shy and clingy child. There was nothing he enjoyed more than a hug from his mother; little did he know that that would change so suddenly and dramatically on this very day...

"Come on boys we're going to be late for nanny!" Their mother yelled up the stairs.

Both boys came flooding down the stairs instantly, the older of the two in front. Once he reached the bottom step he darted straight past his mother and into the living room with a mischievous smile etched on his face.

The younger brother hobbled after him though on him there was not a smile in sight "Caleb give it back!" He whined.

"Give what back?" His older brother replied as he jumped into sight with his hands behind his back.

"My shoe!" Ethan replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Caleb replied with a shrug.

"Yes you do!" Ethan argued, "It's behind your back!" He pointed out.

Caleb smugly held his hands out for his brother to inspect; both were empty.

Ethan sighed deeply and his eyes scanned the room, "where have you hidden it?" He asked.

"Hidden what?" Caleb teased acting oblivious.

"MY SHOE!" Ethan roared.

"Alright boys stop the arguing I'm going to be late for work, Ethan go and get your coat on, Caleb get Ethan's shoe please" their mother sighed as she appeared in the door way. Ethan wondered off to get is coat and Caleb turned to receive his brother's shoe which he had placed on the very top shelf of a book shelf which he knew his little brother couldn't even see let alone reach, even Caleb had to stand on his tip toes to place in there in the first place.

"Why did you have to wreck it mum?" He sighed as he gave her the shoe and took a seat on the couch beside her.

"How do you even have the energy to torment your brother this early in the morning?" She replied amazed, "it was a good hiding space though, I'll give you that" she winked causing young Caleb to smile.

"Where was it?!" Ethan called as he made his way back into the living room.

"That doesn't matter- at least we've got it now right?" His mother smiled, keeping Caleb's excellent hiding space a secret. Ethan agreed and sat on the floor to get his shoe back on. His mother kneeled down before him and zipped up his parker, giving him a kiss on the forehead in the process. Ethan threw his arms around his mother and hugged her tightly "I love you mum" he whispered causing her to smile immensely.

"I love you too" she replied.

Caleb rolled his eyes, "can we go now?" He sighed.

"You're just jealous because my hugs are mum's favourite" Ethan replied as they made their way towards the door.

"You know, that doesn't really make me that jealous because I'm her favourite son so hugs don't really matter" Caleb replied with a smirk.

"You're not mum's favourite!" Ethan protested. He took hold of his mother's hand as they walked.

"Oh I think I am" Caleb replied confidently, "she told me last night while you were sleeping" he added.

You could practically hear Ethan's heart shatter, "...What?" He whimpered so heart-achingly.

"Take no notice to him Ethan he's just teasing you, I said nothing of the sort" their mother replied with a chuckle.

"Mum loves us both equally" Ethan snapped at his brother.

"Yeah...except she loves me just that little bit more" Caleb teased.

"No she doesn't!" Ethan replied.

"Yes she does" Caleb argued.

Their mother rolled her eyes. So this would be the topic their daily morning argument would be based on. They walked their usual route which took them about ten minutes, which to everyone else is quite fast, however ten minutes of "yes she does!", "no she doesn't!" Made the journey feel a hell of a lot longer.

"Thank God" she spat out as she reached her mother who stood on the corner of the busy street where they would usually meet.

"No she doesn't!" Ethan yelled.

"Yes she does!" Caleb replied.

"Ah what's the argument today then?" Their grandmother asked knowingly.

"Caleb's saying that mum loves him more" Ethan explained.

"Oh well we all know she loves you more Ethan" she replied as she poked his nose.

"See! I told you!" Ethan spoke smugly to his brother.

"She's only saying that to shut you up" Caleb rolled his eyes, "I'm mum's favourite" he started again.

"No you're not, I am!" Ethan protested.

"Good luck" their mother joked to their grandmother.

"Bye boys, be good!" She called as she crossed the street.

"Mum wait!" Ethan called, stopping his arguing.

"What?" She asked as she made her way back.

"You never gave me a hug!" Ethan replied as he threw his arms around her and held her tight.

"Alright Nibbles stop being a kiss up" Caleb sighed as he pulled his younger brother from his mother's grasp.

"Bye, my favourite!" She called back jokingly as she made her way across the busy street once more.

"She said that to me!" Ethan called as he spun round to face his older brother.

"No she never, she said it to me!" Caleb argued.

Suddenly the sound of a car horn followed by a loud crash echoed around the street stopping their arguing instantly. People hurried to the road with many screams and shouts of horror. Ethan froze in shock, what had just happened? His older brother and his grandmother ran to the road but he just couldn't move himself.

"Somebody call an ambulance" he heard a man's voice speak out.

" _This must be bad_ " he thought to himself.

"Mum!" He heard Caleb cry.

Ethan dropped to the floor as the world rushed around him all desperately attending to his mother. He sat on the pavement and allowed all that was happening to sink into the background as he got lost in his thoughts, or more _thought_. The only thought present in his mind was _"...this is all my fault_ ".


	3. The hugging curse - part two

**Hello everyone! It's Casualty day ahhh! I so excited for tonight's episodes it's unreal! Here's part two of 'The hugging curse' which I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always and keep letting me know your unanswered questions, wonderings and what ifs based around Ethan and Cal and I'll continue with writing. Just a quick thank you to those who commented this question, I hope you enjoyed this little back story, Kayxxx :)**

 **Why doesn't Ethan like hugs?**

* * *

The hugging curse – Part Two

They sat in the relatives room of the hospital awaiting news in complete silence, though their grandmother had attempted to engage them in conversation numerous about of times, only getting a reply from Caleb each time. All Ethan could think about was how this was all his fault, if he hadn't called her back for a hug she would have made it across the road to work fine..." _it's all my fault"_

The door opened and in walked a doctor, all three looked up at him hopefully, "she's fine" he smiled, "she's fractured her leg and has a few cuts and bruises but that's as bad as it gets, she was very lucky" he explained, "she'll be on crutches for a few weeks to rest her leg so it looks like you boys have just gotten yourselves a new toy" he joked.

Caleb's face lit up "can we go and see her?!" He asked.

"Of course, I think she's sleeping at the moment" the doctor replied. Caleb and his grandmother made their way to their mother's room but Ethan stayed put.

"What's up sport? Don't you want to see your mother?" The doctor asked, kneeled down before him.

"Not really" Ethan replied sheepishly.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I don't know" he shrugged.

"What's your name?" He asked with a smile.

"Ethan" the boy replied shyly.

"Well Ethan, I can honestly tell you that your mother is going to be fine okay? I promise" the doctor smiled, "come on, let's go and see her eh?" He proposed.

Ethan took a seat beside his mother's bed whilst his brother played with her crutches jumping back and forth with them trying out all sorts of tricks.

"Do you want a go Eth?" Caleb called over.

Ethan knew his brother and he knew this would be a trick question, but even if it wasn't he didn't feel like playing with them anyway "no" he sighed.

"Syke! Wait...no?" Caleb asked in realisation.

"No" Ethan repeated as he looked down.

"What's up?" Caleb asked, getting no reply from his younger brother he nudged him with one of the crutches causing Ethan to tut at him, "what's up?" Caleb asked again.

"It's my fault" Ethan mumbled.

"What's your fault?" His grandmother asked.

"That mum got hit by the car" he continued.

"What makes you think that?" His grandmother asked in confusion.

"Because I called her back for a hug, if I didn't she would have crossed the road fine" Ethan whimpered as tears built in his eyes.

"It's not your fault Ethan, no one is blaming you" his grandmother replied.

"I am" he whispered.

"Right why don't I pop to the shop and get you boys some of those sweets that you like eh?" Their grandmother suggested before she disappeared out of the door.

Caleb watched his grandmother leave with a mischievous look on his face. He put down the crutches and took her seat opposite Ethan who looked up at him sheepishly.

"You know Eth..." Caleb began, "maybe you're right" he continued, Ethan looked at him warily. "You might have the hugging curse!" Caleb spoke out.

"What's that?" Ethan asked confused.

"You've never heard of the hugging curse?!" Caleb asked acting surprised. Ethan shook his head.

"Well, there was this boy in our school who had it, everyone he hugged would mysteriously disappear, but only he knew they were injured or dead" Caleb explained, Ethan watched him intently, "do you ever remember Mrs Smithson?" He asked.

"The teacher that retired?" Ethan asked.

Caleb winded his eyes "...or did she retire?" He asked. Ethan swallowed hard, "legend has it that the boy with the hugging curse got to her, she was never seen again. That's why we're not allowed to hug teachers anymore in case the curse has gotten passed on"

Ethan gasped, "what if it's been passed on me?!" His voice trembled in horror.

"Who knows" Caleb shrugged and looked down trying to hide his smirk. "Wait...when you go to the bathroom in school, do you ever look in the mirror?" Caleb asked looking back up again.

Ethan nodded frightfully.

"Oh no Eth! Everyone knows not to look in the mirror in the bathroom! That's where the hugging curse is, it reflects and bounces off the mirror and into the soul of whoever dare look into it..." Caleb explained.

"What?!" Ethan whimpered, "Please take it back Caleb I don't want the hugging curse!" Ethan spoke as tears built in his eyes.

"I wish I could take it back Ethan, I really really do" his older brother shrugged, "when you think about it, you were the last one to hug dad before he left and he still hasn't come back...the last one to hug mum before she got hit by the car..." His voice trailed off and allowed Ethan's mind to do some wondering.

"What do I have to do to get rid of it Caleb? Please tell me" Ethan begged as tears poured from his eyes.

Caleb thought for a moment, "you have to clean my room for a whole month" he spoke mischievously.

"But...how will that rid the curse?" Ethan asked confused.

"Don't question the ways of the curse little brother! That's just how it is" Caleb replied sharply.

"Okay" Ethan nodded though tears still poured from his eyes.

The door opened and in walked their grandmother holding a few bags of sweets.

"Nanny!" Ethan sobbed and ran towards her but he managed to stop himself before he threw his arms around her, instead he just looked down awkwardly.

"What's happened sweetheart?" She asked as she kneeled down before him, "Come here" she whispered as she held her arms open to give Ethan a hug.

"No nanny don't hug me!" Ethan sobbed as he ran back to his chair and pulled his knees up to his chest.

Caleb looked away trying to act innocent.

"What have you done to him?" Their grandmother asked him, "He's shaking!" She added.

Caleb looked at his whimpering brother and then back to his grandmother, biting his lip to hide his smile "I just told him about the hugging curse..." He shrugged.

"And what's that?" She asked with a sigh.

Caleb hesitated for a moment before he sighed and held down his head in defeat "If you have the hugging curse anyone you hug dies or gets injured" he explained.

"Oh stop it you!" She nudged him and let out a smile, Caleb burst into a fit of laughter. Ethan looked up at them confused.

"Take no notice to him Ethan he's just teasing you, there's no such thing as the hugging curse" she explained softly.

"How do _you_ know?" He snapped.

"I was only kidding Nibbles, I made the entire thing up" Caleb stated as he walked over to him, "curses aren't real, like magic isn't real or super powers" Caleb explained.

"But bad luck is" Ethan whimpered.

"Yeah but you can't give someone bad luck by hugging them Ethan, I was kidding" Caleb smiled, "it's not your fault" he stated as he put his arm around him.

And although he had told him that curses aren't real, Ethan couldn't help but think he had one. He stopped being so clingy with his mother, stopped hugging her at any chance he got, this helped him distant himself, helped him become more independent and make him realise that human contact isn't needed nor wanted, in his eyes therefore creating this awkward persona of his. Though he did realise he couldn't make it through life without hugging somebody, it was a way of greeting, comfort or sharing love. Meaning, in his case he could only hurt the ones he loves by hugging them...it would be a bit random if he turned around to one of his bullies and asked for a hug though it was incredibly tempting to put this "curse" to test. He made a pact with himself that he would never hug his brother Caleb, because, although he teased him constantly he _did_ love him deep down, extremely deep down...and he didn't want to lose that and so from that day on he never did hug his brother even though he knew the odds of him actually having a curse were probably impossible. As he grew up he almost forgot about the ordeal with his mother and the hugging curse though there was never a time that came that he did hug his brother Caleb, meaning there was never a moment that felt right to start hugging him. There would always remain that awkward distance between the two that they could never patch up, would there ever come a moment when Ethan Hardy would hug his older brother Caleb?


	4. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter one

**Hi everyone, sorry for not posting over the weekend but I was too caught up in the Casualty episodes (as I'm sure all you were too) I literally have no words for it except amazingly heart-breaking.**

 **Thank you all for the lovely reviews on my last story "The hugging curse" I'm really glad you enjoyed. Anyways, here is my latest story based on a question asked by a mmelon3 (Thank you!) which was...**

 **"Why does Cal hate his father?"**

 **I've always wanted to do a story more based around Cal and so I'm quite looking forward to writing this one. I will be writing as I'm posting and so please bare with me, your reviews always help inspire the next chapters so please leave your thoughts. As this is still in progress I'm not sure how many chapters there will be but it could be a long one before I move on to my next unanswered question or what if but please keep leaving them, I promise I'll get round to them eventually. The first chapter of this story is based in the present day and the rest will be told through flash backs of Cal and Ethan's, I really hope you all enjoy, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter One

"I still can't believe I beat you on the FCEM exams Nibbles" Cal spoke smugly as they stood in the staff room, Ethan rolled his eyes knowingly, "you know, I've got a lot of revision books that I used with Tess if you want them for your resit" Cal proposed.

Ethan shook his head in disbelief "I think you're forgetting you still failed Caleb, you only got a few poxy points more than me" Ethan replied as he sipped on his coffee.

Cal's face lit up, "a few?!" He spat out excitedly.

Ethan realised he'd forgotten his own lie, " _this is why I never lie_ " the thought to himself, "Oh no um, I meant one, just one" he replied awkwardly.

"No no no little brother you just slipped up!" Cal argued with a huge grin on his face, "how many did I beat you by? Five? Ten? Twenty?! Maybe even a whole grade?!" Cal urged.

"Does it really matter?" Ethan shrugged, he didn't want to make up another lie to cover up his previous lie that he had just blown to pot leaving him with the possibility of probably blowing this new lie to pot too, complication overload!

"No, you know what it doesn't" Cal replied responsibly, Ethan looked at him warily, "we both still failed, the points between us don't matter looking at it realistically, at least now we know how tough the exams can be eh? Start preparing for resits, Live and let learn that's what I say" he announced uncharacteristically causing everyone in the room to stop and look at him in confusion.

"Good" Ethan nodded, quite stunned by his brother's mature announcement.

"Who am I kidding I beat Nibbles woo!" Cal burst out excitedly into a cheer on his on accord Ethan sighed deeply and shook his head with a smile, of course Cal's maturity would only last for a few mere seconds.

"Cal?" Robyn chuckled.

"Do you understand how great that feels to say?" Cal questioned, "I beat the little wiz kid" he joked as he pulled Ethan into a head lock and ruffled his hair.

"Alright alright that's enough of that" Ethan laughed as he managed to free himself from his older brother's grasp as their colleagues watched on with grins on their faces.

Ethan conducted himself again, fixing his glasses straight on his face and patting down his hair.

"Don't worry Doctor Hardy, I'm sure you'll pass next time" Cal joked.

"Or, at least get better than you Doctor Knight" Ethan replied sarcastically.

"You know, that's something about you two that I've always wondered" Lofty spoke out.

"What?" Cal and Ethan replied simultaneously.

"Are you half brothers?" Lofty asked.

"No?" Ethan replied warily.

"Step brothers?" Max joined in.

"No" Cal chuckled.

"So you have the same parents?" Robyn asked.

"Yes" Ethan replied.

"So...why have you got different surnames?" Lofty asked.

Cal and Ethan exchanged glances.

Ethan opened his mouth to talk but Cal cut him off quickly.

"I took my mother's maiden name" he stated.

"Ohhh okay, everything makes sense now!" Lofty replied awkwardly.

"Well, not everything..." Max spoke mischievously as he looked through the cupboards.

Cal sighed deeply, "I hated my father if you must know, I didn't want anything to do with him or the label of his surname for the rest of my life" Cal explained.

"Why did you hate him?" Robyn asked.

Ethan looked toward his older brother sympathetically.

"It's a _very_ long story" Cal shrugged.

"It's okay!" Max replied as he pulled something out of the cupboards, "we have popcorn!" He announced as he held it up. Max took his seat on the couch in between Lofty and Robyn offering them the popcorn and awaiting Cal's story.

"Really?" Cal sighed, "you really have nothing better to do than to listen about my messed up childhood?" He asked in disbelief.

"Nope, it's tragic. Back to you" Max replied.

"Cal..." Ethan began but Cal cut him off.

"No, you know what I think it's time" He announced, Ethan looked at him in shock, "why don't you take a seat Nibbles, have some popcorn" Cal suggested jokingly. Ethan took a seat beside Robyn on the couch.

"Right, where do I begin?" Cal asked.

"Tell us about your dad" Robyn spoke as she shoved some popcorn into her mouth.

"My dad...well, he was a very high-powered lothario ED doctor-" Robyn cut him off.

"Woah sounds like someone else we know" she chuckled.

"Yes, I'll admit we do share those traits but he was much _much_ more of an idiot." Cal replied bluntly.

"He worked constantly and when I say constantly, I mean, _constantly._ But not because it brought in money for the family - no, it was so he could get _away_ from the family...or away from me" Cal began.

"I didn't actually realise that until _very_ later on" Ethan butted in.

"He hated me from day one, my father, not Ethan- his hatred for me grew progressively" he winked causing Ethan to smirk.

"There was something about me that my father just hated. I was a very, let's say...energetic kid, very adrenaline fuelled- since I was tiny that was just my personality and that was the thing my father hated. I would rather go and play football or run around the park than sit down and read a book which was his favourite past time, whereas I couldn't sit still for ten minutes. He always saw me as an underachiever, he'd say that to my face, it was like he wanted me to fail in life. When this little ray of sunshine that was know as Ethan was born, dad finally got his idea of a 'perfect' child, which only caused him to hate me his 'underachiever' even more..." His voice trailed off.

"To be fair I was a bit of a failure in my first five or so years" Ethan reasoned causing Cal to laugh.

"This guy had the biggest tonsils I have ever seen in my whole entire life, they were humongous! I have never come across tonsils that big since, even as a doctor" Cal smirked.

"Okay we have to see these, open up!" Robyn spoke to Ethan with a giggle. Ethan opened his mouth and Robyn Lofty and Max all gathered round to get a look in.

"You haven't got any..." Lofty stated confused.

"That's right" Ethan replied.

"He got them taken out eventually but that's at least mid-way in my story" Cal replied.

"He would constantly have tonsillitis, since he was about one and a half all he would do is cry about his sore throat" Cal explained.

"I've never known pain like it, it was horrible, it hurt just breathing, never mind swallowing or God forbid talking!" Ethan explained.

"Meaning Ethan didn't talk, barely ever." Cal concluded.

"So in your father's eyes Ethan was the kid that would never say a word and you were the kid that would never shut up?" Lofty asked understandingly.

"Exactly! He would NEVER talk if he had a sore throat and if you caught him on the unlikely day when he didn't- he had probably the worst stutter I've ever heard" Cal teased lightly.

"...It was pretty bad" Ethan admitted as he held his head down.

"Aw that's so cute!" Robyn announced.

"But none of this is making us understand why you hated your dad?" Max pointed out.

"Ah my dad" Cal sighed as he was brought back on track again. "Because I was so energetic and my father was a doctor, he couldn't accept the fact that I was just an energetic kid, there _had_ to be something more to it than that, there had to be _some_ sort of diagnosis..." He explained, "He managed to riddle it down to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD as it's most commonly known" Cal stated.

"Oh Cal, I'm sorry we didn't know" Lofty spoke sympathetically.

"It's fine Lofty I don't have it, I never did" Cal replied as he shot a glance at Ethan.

"Wait, so you were wrongly diagnosed? By your own father?" Robyn asked in shock.

"Wrongly diagnosed? That's like seriously dangerous, right?" Max questioned.

"And so the story begins..." Cal replied as he clapped his hands together.


	5. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter 2

**Hello everyone. Thanks for the reviews on my last chapter; I'm glad you're all looking forward to this story as am I writing it. In this next chapter we step back in time to the very beginning as Cal looks back during his story as to why he dislikes his father so much. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter two

"Caleb, this is your little brother" his mother smiled.  
The small boy stood up on his tip toes to look over the cot of the even smaller boy who slept.  
"What's his name?" Young Caleb asked.  
"It's Ethan" she whispered.  
"Hello Ethan!" The boy yelled excitedly causing the baby to jump, his tiny fingers spread out like little starfish, his face scrunched up and he let out a wail in fright. Caleb stepped back in confusion what had he done wrong? He wondered, he only said hello...  
His mother picked up crying baby Ethan and held him in comfort.  
"Look what you've done Caleb don't shout, what have I told you about shouting?!" His father snapped as he pushed Caleb back away from the cot and wiped the tears off his youngest son's face.  
"What did I do? Did I hurt him?" He whimpered.  
"You just startled him that's all, it wasn't your fault" his mother smiled.  
"Yes it was his fault, we've only just got the baby asleep and he's up again now, go to your room Caleb!" his father yelled over the baby's cry.  
Tears welled up in young Caleb's eyes and he hurried up to his room.

"I think you're forgetting he's only a baby too, he's just excited" his mother explained softly.  
"He's always 'just excited', that's your excuse for everything he does" his father scoffed in reply.  
"He's a very energetic little boy" she replied as she rocked little Ethan gently side to side.  
"He's energetic alright! I've got a good mind to get him tested for ADHD, he drives me mad-" his ranting was cut off as a device beeped from his belt. He looked at it and then looked back up at his wife debating whether to leave it or not.  
"Go" she smiled, he shook his head, "you're needed at the hospital just go, we'll be fine here won't we?" She whispered as she tapped Ethan's nose.  
"I'll be as quick as I can" he promised as he kissed her, kissed young Ethan's forehead "I've got a feeling you're definitely going to go far little Ethan, let's just hope your big brother doesn't drag you down eh?" he whispered.  
"Oh don't say that, I'm sure Caleb is going to do just fine" she argued confidently. "Yeah fine for a builder or a bin man or one of those idiotically overpaid football players, whereas this little one, I reckon he could follow my footsteps into medicine, maybe even be a brain surgeon, who knows?" he winked before he hurried out of the door and off to work.

"Caleb, would you like to hold Ethan?" She proposed as she walked into her oldest son's room where he sat on his bed hiding his face away.  
"No" he sniffed, "he hates me, I made him cry" he whimpered.  
"He doesn't hate you Caleb, you just frightened him a little bit, he's only a very tiny baby so we have to be quiet around him okay?" She explained softly as she took a seat on the bed beside him, he still kept his head buried away in his knees.  
"He hates me like daddy hates me" he announced.  
"Daddy doesn't hate you, why would you say that?" She asked.  
"Because he always works and then when he doesn't work he shouts at me to leave him alone and go to my room all the time, he hates me" he cried.  
"No he doesn't, he's just a very busy man" she replied as she kissed her son's blonde hair. Caleb took in a deep breath, "where is he?" he asked knowingly.  
"He had to go into work" His mother replied hesitantly as she stroked his hair. "I thought so" he sniffed in reply.

"Look, Ethan's looking at you" she announced changing the subject.  
Caleb looked up from out of his knees at his little brother who lay in his mother's arms looking up at him wondrously; he completely fell in love with his younger sibling instantly.  
"He has brown eyes like you do" he smiled, "I have blue eyes like daddy" he added.  
"That's right" she smiled.  
"Hello Ethan, I'm your big brother Caleb, I'll always look after you" he whispered as he took hold of his brother's tiny hand. Ethan wrapped his fingers around his older brother's thumb. They sat there like that for a few moments before Ethan fell back asleep.  
"Can he stay in my room tonight?" He asked, his eyes still completely captured by the baby.  
"Oh no, not until he's a bit bigger Caleb, he'll be staying in mine and daddy's room for now, unless you want him waking you up every hour wanting a bottle of milk or his nappy changing?" She joked.  
"I wouldn't mind" Caleb smiled wondrously at his sleeping baby brother.  
"When he's a bit older" she whispered as she kissed his hair once more.  
"I'm going to teach him how to play football so he can play with me because daddy doesn't play with me, Ethan can be my best friend" the boy decided.  
"He can't even hold his head up yet and you're already planning on playing football with him" his mother chuckled.  
"I can't wait" Caleb grinned.


	6. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter three

**Hi everyone. Here is today's update; we jump a bit further ahead for the next couple of chapters to learn more about the relationship between young Caleb and his father. I hope you all enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter three

Caleb: 7 years old. Ethan: 5 years old.

It had just gone 2am. Caleb sat on the couch with his blanket pulled over his head playing on his game boy; this was something he had been doing for the past four hours. He heard the front door open and sighed, this would be the end to his fun. The blanket was pulled from over his head and he looked up to find his father stood before him.

"Good night at work?" Caleb asked awkwardly.

"What are you doing up at this time Caleb?" His father demanded.

"I couldn't sleep because of Ethan's snoring" he replied, "mum told me not to play my game boy in the room because it might wake him up so I came downstairs to play it instead" he explained.

"Get to bed Caleb" his father sighed.

"Can't I just finish this level?" His son begged.

"No!" He replied firmly as he snatched the console from his hands.

"There's no point in me going to bed because I can't sleep with Ethan's snoring!" He protested, "Please give it back so I can play it in my room dad?" He whined.

"No because it might wake Ethan" his father replied with a yawn as he undone his tie from around his neck.

"What so it's okay for Ethan to wake me up with his stupid snoring but it's not okay for me to wake him up with my game boy?" He asked confused.

"Ethan is ill Caleb, you're just annoying" his father replied.

"Well then if he's ill, make him better! You're a doctor, all you care about is work, if Ethan was one of your patients you would have made him better by now" Caleb argued.

"I'm looking into it! I'm too tired for this Caleb get to bed" his father replied.

"Come on then, what's his diagnosis? What's the name for the thing you think he's got? Like how you keep telling mum you're convinced I've got that DAHD thing and how you want to get me tested when you think I'm not listening" Caleb sighed knowingly.

"ADHD" his father corrected, "I should get you tested for dyslexia whilst I'm at it" he laughed to himself, Caleb looked at him confused.

His father sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Ethan has obstructive sleep apnoea" he stated.

"What?" Caleb asked confused.

"His tonsils are oversized and it makes it hard for him to breathe so it causes him to snore" his father explained as he picked something up from the table, "What's this?" He asked as he held it.

"Ethan got a certificate in school for spelling or something" Caleb shrugged, "I scored two goals today in football" Caleb added proudly.

"Good for you" his father replied as he read Ethan's certificate.

"Yeah, my coach says I'm going to be a professional player one day, he's taking me to one of the stadiums to play soon so the professional under 12s managers can see me play, it's like audition to get on the team" he spoke but got no reaction from his father who still examined his youngest son's certificate so proudly, "I've just got on the year six team too..." He added, "I'm only in year three" he mumbled quietly to himself as he realised his father wasn't paying any attention to him at all, "but of course you're not proud of that whereas-" he snatched his younger brother's certificate from his father's hands and read it "Ethan can spell: 'cat', 'bad', 'van', 'bin' and 'because' and your pride is glowing?! Dad I'm going to be on TV, playing football, making millions of pounds!" Caleb spat out.

"That's, good" his father shrugged awkwardly as he took the certificate back and hung it on the fridge door.

"Why can't you be proud of me dad?" Caleb questioned.

"Become a doctor Caleb, actually do a job that is worthwhile and for filling, instead of encouraging gambling and anger by kicking a ball around a pitch for ninety minutes and getting paid millions for it. Save lives, carry on the name of Doctor Hardy and then I'll be proud." His father replied.

"Ethan isn't a doctor yet you're proud of him every single day?" Caleb asked.

"Because Ethan is the complete opposite of you!" His father spat out angrily, "that's enough to make me proud"

Caleb froze in shock as tears built in his eyes due to his father's words, "you know, I stayed up because I couldn't sleep yes, but I also stayed up so I could tell you about how I did in football today too...because I thought you would be proud of me" Caleb whimpered.

"Well, you thought wrong" his father shrugged.

Caleb turned slowly and head up the stairs to bed.

* * *

"Caleb! Ethan! Breakfast is out!" Their mother called up the stairs.

Both boys waddled down the stairs with a yawn.

"Good morning boys, how did you sleep?" She smiled as they sat down at the table.

"Terrible! Mum I need my own room, please! Ethan snores so loud I don't sleep all night" Caleb begged.

"Oh sweetheart his your throat sore again?" She spoke softly as she cupped Ethan's face in her hands, he nodded slowly.

"Let's see lovely?" she asked as she gently pulled down his chin so his mouth opened up and she looked inside, "It does look sore, I'll get you your medicine, do you want to stay off school today?" She suggested.

Ethan shook his head eagerly.

"Ah that's my boy, top of the class our Ethan is" his father ruffled Ethan's hair as he hurried into the kitchen and soon hurried back out again and off to work.

"I don't want to go to school today" Caleb announced as he pushed his bowl away.

"And why's that?" His mother sighed as she sat down beside him.

"Because I just don't want to that's why" he replied as he folded his arms.

"Nice try, you're going to school Caleb" she replied as she ruffled his hair.

"But why? You let Ethan stay off all the time!" He argued.

"That's because Ethan is very poorly all the time" she explained

"He only has a sore throat! He probably puts in on half the time too" Caleb continued with his arguing as he shot a snarl at his younger brother.

"Oh Caleb you know that's not true" she sighed.

"' _Top of the class_ '" he mimicked his father's voice, "how can he be top of the class when he doesn't even talk?!" He spat out angrily, "I'm top of the class in PE, I'm the captain of the football team and the rounders team and the netball team! But obviously that means nothing to dad because it's ' _just sport_ '" he mimicked his father's voice yet again.

"Speaking of PE, don't you have it today?" His mother asked trying to change the subject.

"Oh yeah!" He called in realisation, "come one we're going to be late!" He called excitedly as he hurried to the door.

"Um" Ethan mumbled, "C-C-Cal-" he could only ever manage to get half of his brother's name out due to his stutter.

"It's Caleb not Cal, and what?" He sighed in reply as he stood impatiently at the door.

Ethan wondered into the hall and handed his older brother a bag which contained his PE kit.

"Oh, thanks" Caleb replied awkwardly as he took it. "Come on, let's get you boys to school" Their mother smiled as they left the house.


	7. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter four

**Hello everyone, here is today's update. A continuation from yesterday's chapter so it is still the same day. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts. I've been having some issues with my page recently and I've been told that the notifications for when I post a new chapter aren't coming through for those who are following of have favourited, could you please let me know if this is the case for you? It would help out a lot, thank you, enjoy your read, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter four

"You punched someone?!" His mother spat out angrily as she took his hand and hurried him out of the school doors.

Caleb shrugged.

"Who did you punch?" She asked.

He shrugged yet again.

"Why did you punch them Caleb?" She urged.

Shrug.

"Right that's it Caleb Hardy! We're not leaving this spot until you tell me everything, I've had enough of this attitude, you're 7 years old for god sake, not 17, act like it!" She shouted as she halted in the playground.

Caleb looked up at her in shock "...you shouted at me" he mumbled, "you never shout at me, only dad does..." He continued warily.

"I try and try to stay on your side Caleb but when you pull stunts like this it's hard" she replied firmly.

"I punched a boy in Ethan's class" he started.

"You punched a five year old boy?" She asked in disappointment.

"Actually he's just turned six" he replied sarcastically.

"I hit him because he was being horrible to Ethan, he was making jokes about how he talks and everyone was laughing at him and it made him cry so I hit the boy to shut him up. Only _I'm_ allowed be horrible to Ethan, that's _my_ job" he explained.

"Oh Caleb, it's nice that you're looking out for your brother but hitting someone is wrong" she sighed, "you need to leave him to fend for himself sometimes" she explained.

"Fend for himself? Mum he doesn't talk the second he leaves the house! And when he really really has to i-it-it sou-sound-s-s l-l-l-like, th-th-thi-s-this" Caleb explained mimicking his younger brother's stutter.

"I know" his mother sighed sadly.

"Your father is looking into getting him to see a speech therapist" she stated.

"Please don't tell dad about me being sent home from school mum" Caleb pleaded.

"I'm afraid he already knows Caleb, the school called him" she explained.

"Oh he's going to kill me" he sighed as he kicked a rock on the floor.

"I'll tell him you were sticking up for Ethan, it'll be fine" she forced out a smile.

"No it won't be fine, _it's dad."_ He replied, "And I've missed PE!" He sulked

* * *

"You got sent home from school?!" His father shouted.

Caleb looked to his mother for help but she held her head down, he looked back to his father and nodded sheepishly, "...for sticking up for Ethan though" he added in hopes it would lighten his father's mood.

"I don't care. Your education is the most important thing in your life Caleb I don't want you screwing it up." He protested.

"It's okay, I gave him a tissue to hold to his nose that was bleeding, I told him to tilt his head forward, you know, me being Doctor Hardy and all" he replied sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't start with your attitude Caleb" his father warned.

"But I-" Caleb was cut off.

"Don't "but I" me, hitting someone is wrong regardless of why you hit them, I don't want to bring up a bully" he shouted.

"You wouldn't bring up a bully because you're never here to bring me up anyway! You're always working! And when you're not all you do is send me to my room" Caleb shouted back.

"That is not true!" He protested.

"What, so I'm not getting sent to my room then?" Caleb looked up at him knowingly.

His father hesitated for a moment before he spoke out, "yes you are. You have behaved badly and so you need to learn from the consequences"

Caleb turned toward the door but stopped just before it, he turned around to face his father and looked up at him "I hate you" he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Caleb! You don't mean that" his mother spoke in shock.

"Yes I do, I hate you" he said it once more before he turned and head slowly up the stairs.

"Caleb! Get back down here right this instant, how dare you!" His father roared up the stairs after him.

Caleb stopped mid-way up and spun around "one minute you're sending me to my room, the next you're calling me back down, how about no?! You're the one that needs testing, not me!" He roared angrily as tears built in his eyes. He darted up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door before either of his parents could say another word. He pulled his bedside table in front of his door as a barricade, slid down to the floor and allowed his tears to fall. He'd never told his father that he hated him before, though it wasn't so apparent until now. He thought once he said it he would instantly regret it but he actually felt some relief, he was a terrible father, to _him_ at least...

* * *

Many hours passed and he still sat in that same spot on the floor. He heard small footsteps making their way up the stairs and stop before his door, the handle moved but the door didn't open because of the barricade he had created. There was then a gentle knock on the door, Caleb stayed put and listened, he knew it was Ethan but he just didn't want to see anyone right now.

He could hear his younger brother struggling to get out his words through the door, taking in deep gasps of air repeatedly. The type Caleb would take if he were about to scream, however, for his brother, this was his protocol just to speak due to his severe stutter, "um" he managed to mumble before he started his deep breathing again, "C-C-aleb?" He managed to call eventually.

Caleb sighed, he knew how hard it was for his younger brother to just say his name, he would usually just stop at "C-Cal". He pushed his bedside table back to its original place and opened the door for his brother who looked up at him sheepishly.

Caleb rolled his eyes and went to lie on his bed facing away from Ethan but he felt his younger brother sit down on the bottom of his bed.

He looked over his shoulder "what?" He snapped, "leave me alone Ethan I don't want to talk to you" he huffed and faced away once more.

He heard Ethan take in a deep breath "l-l,l let, m-me, t-talk, t-then" his younger brother spoke out slowly. Caleb sat up and looked at him stunned, "did you just talk? Like just say a full sentence?" He asked in shock.

Ethan nodded and took in another deep breath. Caleb watched his brother struggling, his facial expression turned to a grimace as it twitched and his eyes closed tightly in concentration, it completely amazed him. "Um-" he swallowed hard, "I-I've, b-been, um, practi-practicing" he smiled as finished though left breathless from his struggles.

"That's amazing Eth! I'm really proud of you" Caleb praised as he nudged him, "does mum and dad know?" He asked excitedly.

Ethan shook his head "I wanted, y-yyou, to, to, know first" he replied, "we'll k-keep, it our, s-secret for now" he added causing Caleb to smile.

"T-thank y-y-you for-" he paused as he couldn't get the rest of his sentence out.

"Ethan take your time okay? You don't have to rush with me" Caleb spoke softly.

Ethan smiled and took a deep breath, "...for sticking up f-f-for m-me, today"

"I'll always look out for you Eth, you know that right?" Cal asked. Ethan nodded in reply.

He stood up and pulled his duvet off his top bunk onto the floor and then pulled his older brother's one on top of it, he raised his eyebrows as he looked at Caleb.

"Fine" he sighed, "dad's already annoyed at me it can't get much worse right?" He giggled.

Both boys hurried to the top bunk and took it in turns to throw themselves off onto the safety of the duvets below. This was a game they'd play a lot though their fun was soon cut short when their father would come up and yell at Caleb for all the banging, this time however, they got the chance to play for as long as they liked, maybe now their father had finally given up on treating Caleb like crap.

Hours passed. He lay there, listening to his younger brother snore so loudly; wondering if he would ever get to see sleep again. The sound of Ethan's snoring echoed around his head, even when he placed a pillow over it in attempt to drown out the awful noise. He knew his little brother couldn't help his snoring due to his sleep apnea and his majorly oversized tonsils but he felt so tired he could cry. He tossed over and saw his younger brother's arm drooping from the top bunk where he slumbered so deeply. He sat up in his bed and flicked young Ethan's hand, causing him to stir slightly though he kept on with his dreadful snoring. A mischievous smile grew across Caleb's face instantly. He threw his duvet onto the floor beside their bunk beds and took hold of Ethan's hand. He counted to three in his head and tugged on his brother's hand hard causing him to fall from his top bunk with a scream. Ethan held out his arms in attempt to break his five foot high fall onto his brother's duvet on the ground, which seemed to help, though there was a loud crunching sound which he couldn't figure out where it had came from. Caleb had jumped back into his bed and pretended to be asleep. Ethan let out a slight smile; it admittedly was quite funny though he wasn't going to let that show...

"C-Caleb, y-you idiot!" Ethan roared as he jumped onto his brother's bed and began wrestling with him instantly.

"You fell!" Caleb chuckled as he grabbed his brother's arms, stopping him from hitting him.

"N-no I n-never!" Ethan shouted as he continued to fight his brother's grasp.

"Well maybe if you didn't snore so loud!" Caleb spat out as he pushed his younger brother causing him to fall backwards off his bed and hit the floor once more.

Tears welled up in the small boy's eyes as he sat up and held his right arm with his left.

"Ethan don't cry!" Caleb whispered in realisation as he shot up out of bed and at his brother's side, "it was meant to be a joke".

"I-it r-r-really hurts" Ethan whimpered as tears poured from his eyes.

"Shh, Ethan shut up dad will kill me! Stop crying okay I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Look, if you stop crying I'll teach you how to do keepy-ups and I'll even wash the dishes when it's your turn for the next week- the next two weeks! Ethan please just be quiet!" Caleb begged.

Ethan's quiet crying had stopped, but only because he had taken in a deep breath in shock of the pain he was experiencing shooting up and down his arm.

"Nibbles?" Caleb asked confused as to why his brother wasn't breathing and his face was turning a beetroot red colour, "Ethan breathe!" He shouted worryingly as he shook him.

Ethan let out his breath along with an extremely loud scream of pain which seemed to echo around the street, never mind just the house.

"Jesus Ethan!" Caleb called in shock as he covered his ears, protecting them from the eardrum piercing cry his young brother had let out. The sound of two feet hitting the ground hard was also another sound that echoed its way around the house.

"Oh no" Caleb mumbled and jumped back up to lay in his bed.

"What's going on in here?!" Their father demanded as the bedroom door swung open and the light shot on.

"He fell" Caleb spat out quickly as he sat up, squinting due to the brightness of the light.

"No, I n-never" Ethan whimpered through his cry as his father picked him up.

"Yes you did!" Caleb protested.

"Tell the truth Ethan what's happened? Try to speak this is really important son" His father spoke softly.

"C-Caleb pulled me, I fell, m-my, my arm, it's h-h-hurting a l-l-lot" He sobbed into his father's shoulder.

"Can you wiggle your fingers for me?" He asked.

Ethan tried; "No" he discovered and threw his head back down onto his father's shoulder.

"Right okay, we're going to have to get you to the hospital" his father sighed as he handed the sobbing boy over into his mother's arms.

"I'll get my coat" Caleb spoke as he jumped up.

"No you won't, you'll stay here. You're not going anywhere near him, do you not understand how stupid and dangerous what you did was Caleb?! You're lucky he's only broke his arm and not his neck you idiot!" His father roared at him.

"Am I staying here alone?" He whimpered.

"I'll call Nanny and Grandad and one of them can sit with you, I'm going to have to sort out your behaviour Caleb this has gotten too far now" he shook his head in anger.

"I'm sorry" Caleb whispered.

"Ugh I can't even look at you" he scoffed and stormed out of the room.

"Mum?" Caleb called out the door; his mother appeared in to door way with his younger brother who still cried painfully in her arms. She had placed the small boy's parker over his shoulders in attempt to protect him from the coldness of the night outside.

"What Caleb?" She sighed in disappointment.

"I didn't mean to hurt him mum, I'm sorry, I really am" he whimpered.

"I know" she replied understandingly.

"Do you hate me?" He asked in dread.

"Of course not" she replied with a slight smile.

"I-I do" Ethan mumbled, muffled by his mother's embrace.

"I'm so sorry Ethan" he called sadly.

"He'll be okay" she smiled and left the room.

Caleb sat on his bed, haunted by what had just happened, he didn't mean for any of this to happen...he couldn't even think of a viable reason why he did it, out of his small family Ethan was the one he liked the most and Ethan too felt mutually. He would never purposely cause his little brother any harm, thought he knew his father would think otherwise...he listened until his younger brother's cry had disappeared into the distance as his parents hurried him into the car and drove away.


	8. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter five

**Hello everyone, here's today's update. It's Casualty day tomorrow ahhhhh I'm so excited as I'm sure all you are too, I've been waiting for this week to be over but it's seemed to drag because of my excitement haha. Thank you for the review on my last chapter they are much appreciated as always. I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know your thoughts, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter five

Ethan nudged his sleeping brother with his good arm in attempt to wake him; he stirred slightly but remained asleep so he tried once more. Caleb opened up his eyes and realisation grew across him instantly, "Ethan!" He called frantically "how's your arm?" He asked.

The younger boy held up his right arm to show off his cast.

"Broken wrist in two places" their mother stated from behind him.

"Oh I'm so sorry Eth" Caleb sighed sadly but Ethan pulled him in for a forgiving hug.

"I'll leave you two to play but don't be jumping off any beds!" She warned as she kissed both their foreheads and left the room.

Ethan shut the bedroom door after their mother and turned back to Caleb, "y-y-you c-can sign, I-it" he whispered as he pulled out a sharpie from his pocket and held up his cast once more.

"Do mum and dad still not know you're talking now?" Caleb chuckled as he took the pen.

Ethan shook his head.

"Why not Eth? Imagine how proud dad will be of you" Caleb continued as he wrote on his brother's cast.

"I d-don't w-w-want him t-to, be" Ethan replied.

Caleb looked at him confused.

"Don't you- h-have, f-football, today?" Ethan asked changing the subject.

Caleb looked down, "yeah but I don't want to go" he sighed.

Ethan was now the one to look confused, "y-you l-l-love foot-b-ball?" He asked.

"I don't like it that much anymore" Caleb shook his head.

"That's a s-shame" Ethan sighed, "I-I wanted to watch y-you t-today" he added.

"What really? You wanted to come to the match?!" Caleb asked stunned.

Ethan nodded.

Caleb paused for a moment to think before he jumped up out of bed "okay then, let's go!" He called excitedly as he got his football kit on.

* * *

"Mum have you seen my boots anywhere?" Caleb called as he kneeled down checked under the couch, Ethan checked under the other couch.

"I think they're in the yard sweetie" she replied.

Caleb darted quickly out into the yard passing his father in the kitchen in the process, then hurried back through holding his blue studded football boots by the laces.

"We're going to football!" he announced as he grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge.

"'We'?" His father asked.

"Yep, Ethan wants to come" Caleb replied as he handed a bottle of water to his little brother.

"Why on earth would he want to do that?" His father scoffed.

Caleb shrugged "he wants to watch me" he replied.

"But why?" His father questioned.

"B-b-because I-I'm, p-proud of h-him" Ethan spoke out sounding confident though only he knew inside how nervous he was feeling.

Both their parents stood frozen in shock as they looked down at the five year old.

Ethan took hold of Caleb's hand and hurried him out of the house quickly.

"T-that shut h-him up" Ethan giggled. The pair laughed together as they ran down the street hand in hand.

* * *

They ran all the way to the local football pitches where a crowd of boys and their parents stood around.

"Ah here he is!" One of the boys called as they spotted Caleb hurry through the gates.

"Jesus Caleb we thought you weren't coming!" Another boy sighed with relief as he ran up to him and put an arm around his shoulders as they walked.

"Do you really think I'd leave you lot in the semi-finals?" Caleb spoke sarcastically.

"Ah here's our captain" his coach called as he high-fived him, "ready win another game?" He whispered as he put his captain band around his arm.

"As I'll ever be" Caleb replied confidently.

"We're two boys down today" his coach sighed.

"What really?" Caleb snapped as he looked around at his team mates who surrounded him, "who's off?" He asked.

"Ben and Simon" his coach replied.

"Oh great" Caleb spoke sarcastically, "we don't need them anyway" he added as he kneeled down to swap his trainers for his football boots.

"Who's that?" One of the boys asked pointing over to Ethan who stood slightly back from the group looking in awkwardly.

"That's my little brother" Caleb replied as he gave him a wave proudly.

"Call him over Caleb, I'd love to meet him" his coach proposed, he was so used to young Caleb coming on his own, he never did have any relatives to watch him play.

"Nibbles!" Caleb called and Ethan walked over slowly.

"Hiya kid, I'm coach Peters but you can call me Johnny, everyone else around here does" the coach introduced himself to Ethan with a handshake.

"Or coach JP" one boy chuckled causing the rest of the team to laugh, including Ethan and the coach.

"I'd rather you didn't call me that lads, it makes me sound like a rapper" he shook his head with a smile.

"So what did you do to your arm?" A boy asked as he poked Ethan's cast.

Ethan opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Everyone looked at the young boy confused.

"He doesn't talk that much" Caleb explained.

"Is your real name Nibbles?" Another boy asked.

Ethan shook his head.

"No his name's Ethan, Nibbles is just his nickname" Caleb replied.

"Nibbles is cooler" another boy announced causing Ethan to smile.

"Can we sign your cast after the game Nibbles?" A boy asked as he read Caleb's signings.

Ethan nodded enthusiastically.

Ethan stood at the sideline a few feet away from where all the parents of the other boys chatted amongst each other, he heard a few of them talking about him wondering why such a small boy was alone but Ethan was too intrigued by his brother's game to care what they said.

He ran back and forth on the sideline as he followed the ball being kicked at both ends, he cheered when Caleb's team scored and booed when the other team scored. The parents by now had found that watching Ethan was much more entertaining than watching their son's play.

He watched as one of the boys on Caleb's team got tackled and walked off the pitch crying, half time was called.

"W-what's h-happening?" Ethan asked as Caleb ran over to get his drink.

"I don't know but if Joe doesn't come back on the pitch we'll have to forfeit the game, we won't have enough players to carry on" Caleb sighed as he sat down on the grass.

"B-b-but it's t-the semis?" Ethan asked.

"I know, we'll drop out the league" Caleb sighed once more.

Johnny looked over and gave Caleb a shake of his head; Joe wasn't coming back out to play meaning they couldn't carry on.

"Great" Caleb huffed as he threw his water bottle to one side and held his head in his hands.

Ethan sat beside his brother and watched as Johnny talked with his team and the parents, all were looking over at them; suddenly Johnny started to make his way over.

"Hey kiddo" Johnny called as he reached them, "do you fancy stepping in for Joe?" He asked Ethan.

Caleb looked towards him excitedly "yeah Eth come on!" He urged.

Ethan looked at them in shock "I, I-I, d-don't k-k-know h-how" he stuttered badly.

"I've been watching you from the sidelines, you look like you followed pretty well, just do what you saw the other lads doing" Johnny explained, "you'll do fine kiddo, even if you don't touch the ball once it's fine, at least we can continue eh?" He whispered as he kneeled down beside him.

Ethan shot a look at the disappointed look on his older brother's face and then the same look that etched the other team mates face's too and nodded slowly, "yes that's the spirit matey!" Johnny smiled as he ruffled his hair.

"Yes Nibbles!" The boys cheered as Ethan walked onto the pitch sheepishly looking down, he wasn't at all prepared. Before today he'd never even seen a game of football in play, he was already wearing shorts and a t-shirt, luckily Johnny had some spare shin pads, socks and boots that were oversized. Ethan was small for his age whereas all the other boys were at least two years older than him and all tall for their age, he looked tiny and lost within the rest of them but he didn't mind, he was actually quite excited to share the pitch with his older brother.

Both teams took their places for the second half kickoff.

"Thanks Eth" Caleb whispered as he showed him where to stand, "you'll do fine okay?" He smiled.

"Right lads, we've got a player on the pitch with a broken arm so keep the ball low and let's not play rough yeah?" Johnny announced to both teams and every single pair of eyes on the pitch moved towards Ethan; he felt his heart jump into his throat.

The game continued with the ball staying on the other side of the pitch meaning it stayed way out of Ethan's way for the majority of it which was relieving for him though he kept eagerly following everyone's move; he didn't want to let Caleb down.

"Last minute!" Johnny called from the sidelines. Both teams were drawing, if neither team scored within this minute it would go to penalties.

"Nibbles!" He heard his brother call.

He looked towards Caleb and he kicked the ball right across the pitch to his younger brother's feet.

Ethan froze.

He saw a stampede of boys running towards him but he was frozen still.

"Nibbles turn and shoot!" Johnny called from the sidelines.

"I-I-I c-c-can't" Ethan shook his head; the pressure was far too much.

"Thirty seconds!" Johnny called.

"Ethan please, just try!" Caleb pleaded from across the pitch.

He took in a deep breath and turned away from the stampede of boys with the ball at his feet and head for the goal, almost tripping over a few times due to his oversized boots and the fact he'd barely kicked a ball in his life. He stopped before the goal and looked towards the giant rather intimidating goalkeeper who stood before him " _there's no way he's under twelve_ " Ethan thought to himself as he swallowed hard.

"Shoot Nibbles!" One of the boys called reminding him of the reason he was before this goalkeeper in the first place.

He could hear the stampede getting closer. He closed his eyes and kicked the ball towards the goal; at least, he hoped it was towards the goal, there was no way in telling because he still had his eyes closed.

The end of game whistle blew. "Yes!" He heard people cheering, but was it his team or the other team? He was too scared to open his eyes.

"Did he do it?!" Caleb called; he had his hands covering his eyes as he too was too scared to watch.

"He did it!" Johnny called back.

"What?" Caleb asked in disbelief and ran towards his brother who stood covering his eyes.

"D-Did I-I d-do it?" He mumbled as he felt Caleb hold him.

"You did it Nibbles!" Caleb replied as he shook him.

Their team ran towards them to celebrate all chanting the word "Nibbles!" as they patted him on the back and high fived him. All the boys hung around to sign Ethan's cast so there was no longer any white left visible, it was completely covered in writing and doodles. Caleb and Ethan made their way back home both completely bursting with excitement; Ethan was wearing his 'Man of the match' medal proudly around his neck.

* * *

They both walked into their house and saw their father sat at the table doing work, their mother was in the kitchen.

"How was the game Caleb?" She asked.

"Amazing mum, we won 3-2 we're in the final" he announced proudly.

"Oh that's great news, well done son I'm very proud" she smiled as she kissed his hair.

"Guess who scored dad?" he spoke as he walked up to him, he would never speak to his father voluntarily.

"You?" His father sighed as he kept on with his working.

"Well yes obviously, I scored two" Caleb replied confidently.

"Great" his father replied sarcastically.

"But guess who scored the third?" He spoke mischievously, his father looked up at him warily due to the tone of his voice, "Ethan" Caleb announced.

"What?!" His father spat out as he looked towards his youngest son.

Their mother appeared from the kitchen once more.

"Yep, if it wasn't for him we would have had to forfeit" Caleb explained as he put his arm around his little brother.

"You let him play football with a broken arm Caleb?!" His father roared as he stood up and kneeled down before young Ethan, inspecting him as he held him close, "he shouldn't even be out of bed never mind running round a field Caleb you idiot"

"But dad he-" Caleb was cut off.

"You break his arm and then you put him on a pitch full of older lads to play football, are you out to hurt him or?" His father spat out as he hugged Ethan tightly.

"Dad he did amazingly, and he's fine look- not a scratch on him, why are you making such a big deal out of it?" Caleb asked confused.

"Because it might not have gone so smoothly Caleb!" His father shouted.

"Well done sweetie, looks like both my boys are going to be sports champions" their mother smiled as she kissed Ethan's cheek.

You could practically see their father's blood boil.

Caleb and Ethan smiled at each other knowingly.

"What's this eh?" He asked as he looked at Ethan's medal, Caleb opened his mouth to speak but his father cut him off.

"Man off the match?" His father read it; Ethan nodded and smiled at him.

"What a load of junk" his father spat out as he tugged on it, snapping it from around Ethan's neck, "junk like this won't get you into medical school Ethan" he huffed as he walked into the kitchen and threw it in the bin.

Tears built in Ethan's eyes as he watched his father, Caleb put his arm around him in comfort.

"Playing football with a broken arm, I thought you were smarter than that Ethan, much smarter." his father shouted as he shook his head, the tears now poured from the child's eyes. Ethan wasn't used to getting shouted at.

"Why are you crying?" His father asked, changing his tone instantly, "what's up son?" He whispered softly to the sobbing boy. He sighed deeply and went to retrieve Ethan's medal from the bin, he placed it in his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Why can't you just let them be kids?" their mother spoke out.

He stood up and grabbed his briefcase, "I'm going to work" he announced sternly and he left suddenly.

"Come on son let's get you your medicine" their mother led Ethan to the kitchen. Not only was he on his usual medication for his tonsils but also his broken arm now too.


	9. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter six

**Hello everyone! Is everyone else anxiously waiting for tonight's Casualty? Poor Charlie, my heart completely shattered last night :(**

 **Here is the next chapter which I hope you enjoy, we finally get into the part people have been waiting for in this story, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter Six

Caleb lay in his bed, from yet another sleepless night due to his younger brother's snoring. He didn't know what time it was but he could see outside was bright, therefore meaning he'd spent the entirety of the night awake. He was now the owner of the top bunk as his father "doesn't trust him enough to allow Ethan to go back up to the top bunk in case Caleb decided to pull him back off again" " _pathetic"_ Caleb thought to himself, it had been a week since the accident which caused Ethan's wrist to snap in two places. Although, Caleb secretly always wanted the top bunk, who didn't? He lay looking up at his ceiling that was completely covered in glow in the dark star stickers which had been there since Ethan moved into his room four years ago when their father decided it was time to decorate. By now he had forgotten about these stickers, as he'd spent the last few years of his life on the bottom bunk therefore meaning his view when he looked up was the bottom of Ethan's bed. He'd spent all night counting these stars, over and over, coming to the conclusion that there were 35, no, 37...36? Ugh. He'd begin the cycle again. Four years ago, these stars would illuminate their room each night, though now they dimly shone down on them, which was still a great achievement for the four year old stickers. He heard his parents getting up and his mother stop before their door knocking on it lightly, "boys, would you like pancakes for breakfast?" She called quietly through it.

"Yes please" Caleb answered for both of them, Ethan was still too deeply asleep to even hear his mother's words.

Caleb literally hadn't slept at all last night, "Ugh breakfast" he groaned as he rolled over in his bed causing Ethan to stir.

* * *

"Oh Ethan you look terrible" his mother announced as he walked into the living room with a yawn. His skin was pale; he had black shadows underneath his eyes. She felt his forehead with the back of her hand "oh sweetie you've got a temperature" she stated as she felt it.

"Go and lie down on the couch and I'll bring you in a glass of water" she proposed as she kissed his hair.

He hobbled over to the couch and lay down "throat again buddy?" His father asked, Ethan nodded slowly.

"I'll talk to one of my colleagues today in work and ask them to have a proper look at you okay son? I'll make you better" he promised. Ethan nodded once more and closed his eyes.

His mother walked back in with a glass of water and put it down on the arm of the couch where Ethan slept "I feel so sorry for him, the poor thing he's constantly ill" she whispered as she stroked his hair.

Caleb sat on the floor bouncing a tennis ball at the wall and catching it as it bounced back to him. Ethan lay asleep on the couch behind where his older brother played.

"What's the point in having a little brother if he's always too sick or too tired to play with me?" He sighed as he caught the ball.

"It's not his fault sweetie" his mother replied.

"I know but, it's just annoying" Caleb stated as he hit the ball hard off the wall so it flew passed his head and hit the glass of water that his mother had left on the arm of the couch beside Ethan. The glass fell and the water poured out all over sleeping Ethan waking him up instantly.

"Caleb!" His mother called.

"I could see that happening" his father tutted.

Ethan sat up and inspected his damp t-shirt.

"Hey, hey Ethan Ethan look!" Caleb called trying to get his younger brother's attention, "now you're awake do you want to go outside and play catch?!" He asked excitedly as he held up the tennis ball. Ethan pulled off his wet t-shirt and turned his body away from his older brother lying back down to sleep.

"Oh come on!" Caleb shouted angrily.

"Ethan told me that he doesn't want to play football anymore" he stated, "what have you said to him?" He asked his father knowingly.

"I haven't said anything to him, he must have just finally seen how it's a waste of time" his father replied. Caleb shook his head angrily.

"Caleb why don't you have a nap too? You don't get much sleep with Ethan's snoring each night, you could probably do with a little sleep" his mother proposed.

"No way" Caleb protested, "I'll never sleep in the day I made a pact" he stated.

"With who?" She asked confused.

"Myself, it's a waste of hours, I could be playing football or tormenting Ethan which is a much better way of wasting hours" he replied. His mother shook her head with a smile.

"Dad, do _you_ want to play catch?" He asked, oh how desperate he was to make conversation with his father.

"Oh, um" his father paused to check his watch, "I've got to leave for work now Caleb" he replied.

"But you're not in until 8? It's only 5:30!" Caleb stated.

"Early bird catches the worm as they say" his father replied awkwardly as he picked up his briefcase ready to leave.

"How about just one game dad? As soon as the first person drops the ball the game is over?!" Caleb suggested.

His father looked over at his wife who gave him daggers in reply, he sighed deeply "okay then why not, pass the ball" he spoke unenthusiastically.

Caleb's face lit up; finally he was getting all he'd ever longed for; to spend time with his father. He tossed the ball to his father but he dropped it; he couldn't have made it look more deliberate if he tried, "oh looks like I dropped it, game over" he shrugged and picked up his briefcase once more.

"What? No that doesn't count it's okay we can-" Caleb's pleading was cut off.

"Caleb, I'm leaving for work now" his father spoke sternly and left.

"...okay, maybe another time then" Caleb mumbled quietly to himself as he looked down.

"Why don't you go outside and play with the football Caleb?" His mother suggested.

He sighed deeply and went out into the backyard.

* * *

An hour had passed Caleb was outside playing and Ethan still slept on the couch though his mother had noticed something strange about the young boy's breathing. Every few minutes as he would take a breath in he would stop breathing, only momentarily however, it was scary to witness, she decided to call her husband.

"It's Ethan" she called down the phone, "he keeps stopping breathing when he's asleep I don't know what to do" he explained worryingly.

"Calm down, it's just his apnea honey that's what it does" he replied calmly.

"What so all this time my son has been stopping breathing in the night and I didn't know? He could die" she replied as tears brimmed in her eyes, "it's never been _this_ bad" she added, "we have to do something, we can't leave him living like this it's not safe or fair" she pleaded.

"Okay I'll sort something out today" he replied, "wake him up, give him his medicine and then bring him here to the hospital, I'll meet you outside" he stated.

"Okay" she sighed with relief, "Caleb!" She called into the backyard, "you'll have to go to Nanny and Grandad's, I've got to take Ethan into the hospital" she called and the boy walked into the house.

"No, there's no need, bring Caleb too" her husband called down the phone.

"Bring Caleb?" She asked surprised. Caleb too was surprised, his father never wanted Caleb to go to his workplace, it was as though he was ashamed to show him as his own.

"Yes, I'll meet the three of you soon" he replied and the phone went dead.

She paused for a moment before she looked up at Caleb; "right, looks like you're coming with" she smiled.

"Ethan" she called as she gently shook him, he always took a while to wake up; it was a part of his apnea. He eventually opened his eyes and looked up at his mother, "is your throat hurting son?" She asked.

Ethan tried to swallow but it caused him a serious amount pain, the small boy's hands shot up to his mouth covering it in protection and tears poured from his eyes.

"Here have your medicine it will make you better" she spoke sympathetically as she held up a spoon with the medicine on but Ethan shook his head, still covering his mouth, his eyes still pouring with tears. Taking his medicine meant swallowing and swallowing meant pain.

"Come on Eth you only have to swallow two spoon full's and then we'll go to the hospital, they'll make you better there" Caleb spoke out as he looked over his mother's shoulder at his younger brother. Ethan nodded and just about managed to take the medicine, his mother then rushed him to the car and they made their way to the hospital where they met their father who was dressed in his blue scrubs as his work uniform.

* * *

"Right Ethan, open wide, stick your tongue out and say "ah" for me" the doctor smiled as she got her torch at the ready. Ethan got as far as opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out but that was it.

"He doesn't talk" Caleb stated, "well he does, but he get nervous around new people and anyway when he does talk I-it s-s-sounds l-like t-t-this and everyone in school laughs at him" he explained, Ethan held his head down in embarrasment.

"He never talks when his throat is sore" his mother added.

"Right so he has a stutter?" the doctor asked looking toward his father.

"Yes, it's quite severe" he replied.

"We'll soon sort that Ethan don't worry, I'm in contact with a few excellent speech therapists" she smiled. "Okay from what I can see, his tonsils are extremely oversized, their like two big golf balls in there" she joked causing Ethan to giggle, "there's a few white spots back there too, obviously him having tonsillitis is effecting his quality of life, his speech being the main issue, also his sleep apnea causing him to lose sleep at night and causing fatigue of a day, then there's him being bullied at school, I think surgery would be for the best, I'm surprised it's taken your long to bring him into me Doctor Hardy" she addressed their father.

"I've been meaning to get round to it-"

she cut him off "not to worry" "Right okay Ethan, I'll book you in for surgery and you'll be tonsil free by next week" she smiled as she clicked on her computer, "how's Friday?" She asked.

"Friday is fine" his father replied.

"Friday it is then, I'll tell you all about it in more detail later on Doctor Hardy but now for the real reason we're here..." She looked toward Caleb who wasn't even listening. He sat on his chair swinging his legs and looking at the posters on the walls around the room.

"Caleb?" She asked, he didn't respond.

"Caleb!" His father snapped causing him to jump.

"What?" He asked as he faced the doctor.

"It's 'pardon'. Not 'what'" his father corrected.

"Oh sorry, pardon?" He asked politely.

"Right Caleb can you do me a favour?" She asked. Caleb nodded.

"Can you sit how your brother is sitting for me?"

Caleb examined how Ethan was sat with his back straight, his arms relaxing on his lap and his legs crossed at his ankles and did this too. It took him seconds before he started to jiggle his legs again and lost interest, examining the walls once more.

"Caleb sit like Ethan!" His father demanded.

"I am?" He asked.

"Keep still." He ordered. Caleb hadn't even realised he had started fidgeting again.

"Right Caleb, as your father has probably told you I'm a doctor who specialises in ADHD, do you know what that is?" She asked.

Caleb's heart plummeted. Ethan's did too, he looked over his shoulder at the shocked expression on his brother's face and then at his mother who too had the same expression on her face.

"I'm getting tested?" Caleb whimpered as he fixed his eyes on the ground.

"You didn't tell me about this" his mother hissed to his father.

"May as well kill two birds with one stone" he replied smugly.

"Your father has already told me everything he knows, but, I would like to hear from you, is it okay if I run a few tests out on you? It's nothing to worry about" she smiled.

Caleb nodded slowly.

His parents and Ethan left them in the room whilst the doctor carried out the physical examinations and were called back through straight after.

"Right he does have the common symptoms of ADHD; fidgeting, easily distracted, not listening, being hyperactive as you have already informed me about" she addressed his father, "however his physical examination leads more towards a lack of sleep, he told me about how he doesn't sleep much at night due to young Ethan's apnea and so I'd put his symptoms down to that, he also told me that he's very stubborn and doesn't like to take naps during the day but I've told him about how much he'll miss that opportunity when he's older" she laughed, "but Ethan's apnea should stop after he gets his tonsils removed on Friday and will start sleeping properly again, so you'll have two perfectly healthy children" she concluded with a smile as she turned to face her computer once more. Caleb, Ethan and their mother all let out a loud sigh of relief, but his father sighed angrily.

"He's been acting like this since before Ethan was born though" his father argued.

"You're two years older than Ethan right?" She asked Caleb who nodded, "almost three" he added.

"Terrible twos" she shrugged.

"'Terrible twos'" his father scoffed, "I'm a doctor, I know full well when someone has a problem with sleep or ADHD, do you think I'm stupid?" He snapped.

"Good, well, then you should know that Caleb hasn't got ADHD and has in fact a lack of sleep" the doctor argued.

"Don't you tell _me_ about _my_ son, Ethan has sleep apnea and yet he doesn't have a behaviour like Caleb-" she cut him off.

"Ethan sleeps during the day" she shrugged.

"Caleb has ADHD and if you don't write me a prescription for some medication to settle his behaviour then I'll write one myself" he threatened.

"Dad-" Caleb pleaded but his father cut him off.

"Not now Caleb" he spoke silencing him.

"Right okay, I'll write you out a prescription to last a week, when Ethan comes in for his operation I want to see Caleb back here again, if I'm not happy with how he is on the medication I will take him off it instantly and write on his notes that he isn't to have it, to stop you from pressurising anyone else into diagnosing him, understood?" The doctor snapped.

"Yes fine, it's what he needs" his father replied.

"Right Caleb, I want you to take your first pills with me now okay?" She smiled.

"Pills?" He swallowed hard, "why can't I have medicine like Ethan?" He asked.

"Ethan only has medicine because his tonsils are too big for him to swallow pills" she replied.

"Come on open up, you seem like a brave boy, I'm sure you can swallow two little tablets right?" she smiled.

Caleb took the tablet and placed it on the back of his tongue, sipped from the glass of water and swallowed it and repeated it again with the next one.

"Perfect, they will probably make you feel a bit drowsy Caleb okay? It's nothing to worry about" she smiled.

Caleb fixed his eyes on the ground and nodded slowly.

"Right I'll refer Caleb to the therapist too, it's a precaution we take out with everyone with Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it's proven to help" she explained.

"I don't want a disease" Caleb whimpered.

"It's not a disease, it's a disorder" the doctor corrected.

"It's the same thing, it has the word "dis" in it, that means I'm not normal" he sighed.

"No it doesn't son" his mother sighed sadly as she kissed his hair.


	10. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter seven

**Hi everyone, here's the next chapter, we dig deeper and deeper into the story of why Cal hates his father. Had some issues logging in as I'm sure pretty much everyone did but I'm sorry for the delay. Some people have asked me about the 'what ifs' and I just thought I'd explain, they are sort of 'what if this happened' or 'what if that happened' in episodes, for example the first chapter of this collection of stories was 'what if Cal was driving' in the episode Born Lucky, hope that helps anyways. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter seven

"Why w-will my sleep a-a-apnea stop w-when I h-have surgery?" Ethan asked from the back seat of the car as they drove home from the hospital.

"Because you have _obstructive_ sleep apnea, it's your big tonsils that cause it" his father replied.

"W-when t-t-they take my tonsils o-out, will t-there, be-be l-l-lots of blood?" The boy asked.

"Oh yeah, lots and lots of it" his father replied.

Ethan giggled excitedly, "C-can I-I-I see i-it?" He asked.

"No you'll be asleep sweetie" his mother replied.

"Oh" he spoke in realisation, "c-can y-you v-v-video it so I-I-I can see?" He asked causing his parents to chuckle.

"Become a doctor and you won't need to video it, you'll be doing the operations yourself" his father replied.

"I will" Ethan grinned, "c-can I k-keep my tonsils l-l-like w-when y-you get teeth t-taken out at-at the dentist and t-they g-give y-you them in a bag t-t-to keep?" He asked.

"No son" his father laughed.

"They give you your teeth so you can put them under your pillow for the tooth fairy, you can't exactly put your tonsils under your pillow now can you?" His mother asked with a chuckle.

"I-imagine h-how much m-money she w-would leave m-me!" He giggled.

"God I've never heard you talk so much" his mother spoke amazed.

"I c-can't w-w-wait" he grinned.

"I thought you'd be in on all this gory tonsil talk Caleb" his mother called but got no reply from the older boy.

"He's f-f-fallen a-asleep" Ethan giggled as he saw his brother drooping down in his seat out cold.

She turned to look at sleeping Caleb surprised, she felt his forehead with the back of her hand and gently titled his head back upright so he didn't hurt his neck but it soon bobbed back down again.

"Oh this isn't like him at all" she spoke concerned.

"It'll just be the medication kicking in he's fine" their father replied as he looked at his sleeping son in the rear-view mirror.

She took his seat belt off from across his body and gently guided him so he was lying down across the seats.

"I-is he okay mummy?" Ethan asked as he looked down at his brother.

"He's fine, he's just sleepy from his tablets" she replied as she stroked Caleb's hair.

* * *

They pulled up outside their house and all got out though Caleb was still asleep. His mother managed to wake him enough to get him indoors; he dragged his exhausted body into the house being steadied by his mother and his brother and went straight to the couch to lie down.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" His mother asked as he lay himself down; he didn't reply.

"C-C-aleb c-come a-and play outside?" Ethan asked.

But again, Caleb didn't reply instead he closed his eyes and drifted back off to sleep within seconds.

"h-he n-never turns d-down play" Ethan sulked.

"I know honey he's just a bit tired right now, why don't you go and play in your room for a while whilst I get dinner ready?" She proposed and Ethan disappeared upstairs.

"Are you sure this is normal?" Their mother asked concerned as she walked into the kitchen where their father was sat reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of tea.

"I've been given the rest of the day off work today, I don't plan on being doctor for anyone" he replied as he sipped his tea but his wife still looked through the door at Caleb asleep on the couch with worry etched on her face.

"Medication can affect people in different ways. If you ask me this is the best way it could have done, I mean listen to that-" he paused and both of them listened momentarily.

"Listen to what?" She asked confused.

"Exactly...silence! There's no sound when Caleb sleeps, it's great" he smiled as he sipped on his tea once more.

"What if he hasn't got ADHD though? The doctor seemed pretty confident-" he cut her off as he stood up.

"Hey hey listen, I know what I'm doing yeah? That doctor knew nothing, she doesn't even know what he's like, you really think I'd allow my son to be wrongly diagnosed?" He asked as he took hold or her hands.

"I don't even think he was that bad behaved, that's just him being him" she replied as she still looked through at Caleb.

"Look" he whispered as he gently turned her face to meet his at a kiss, "trust me okay?" He smiled reassuringly as he kissed her once more.

* * *

"Caleb sweetie, dinner is ready" she whispered as she gently shook his body.

He opened his eyes and looked at her confused, "when did we get home?" He asked with a yawn, his voice was hoarse from his slumber.

"A few hours ago" she replied warily, "you walked in and went to the couch don't you remember?" She asked.

"Did I?" He questioned as he thought back, "nope I don't remember, Eth do you want to go and play football in the park after dinner?" He asked as he wondered into the kitchen. His mother watched him surprised at how back to normal he was.

"O-okay" Ethan nodded in reply.

"Football?" His father asked with a sigh, "I thought those tablets would help put a stop to all this football nonsense, they are no good to you if you just sleep them off Caleb" he added as he shook his head angrily.

"Leave him honey, you'll get used to them won't you son?" Their mother spoke as she kissed Caleb's hair.

He sat down at the table and his father placed a cup before him.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Your pills" his father replied.

Caleb took the cup and examined it, "I've crushed them up into the drink so you don't have to swallow them" he explained.

"Oh, thanks" Caleb replied awkwardly.

"Drink up" his father smiled.

Caleb sighed deeply and began to drink it but as soon as the liquid hit his taste buds he stopped "ew that tastes awfu-" his father cut him off by pushing the cup back to his mouth.

"It's important you drink the lot Caleb it's your medication" he explained as Caleb finished.

They continued to eat their dinner at the table, Ethan's tonsils being the main talk as Caleb had missed most of the talk by falling asleep in the car, his father watched his oldest son warily as if he were waiting for something.

A good half an hour passed and everyone was pretty much finished with dinner.

"Right boys, we'll go to the park and-" she was cut off when Caleb dropped his fork on to his plate causing a loud clatter to rattle around the kitchen.

"...sorry" he slurred as he picked it up once more.

Everyone looked at him warily before she continued again, "...okay, Ethan go and get the ball from the yard and we'll-" she was cut off once more as Caleb put down his cutlery and pushed his plate away.

"Actually mum I..." His voice trailed off as his head bobbed down, "...is it okay if I just go to bed instead?" He mumbled as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Of course" his father spoke out as he helped Caleb to his feet and he hobbled upstairs leaving everyone in stunned silence.

"Right Ethan can you scrape the plates off into the bin please son? I just need to talk to your father" she asked as she pulled his father into the living room.

Ethan nodded and began collecting the plates together.

"This isn't right, I feel like we've taken his personality away from him, did you see how quickly he changed? This isn't right" she shook her head in worry.

"You're kidding me right? This is pure bliss!" He replied with a chuckle as he walked over to the couch and pulled out a book.

Meanwhile Ethan had collected all the plates and had them ready to scrape. He grabbed the first plate and opened the bin, just as he was about to scrape he noticed something in there. He picked it out; it was Caleb's tablets except...it was empty, but...where could they have all gotten to? He thought to himself, Caleb should've only taken four as of yet, but, the whole packet was gone.

"How's the scraping going buddy?" His father asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Ethan quickly stuffed the empty packet into his pocket and smiled at his father.

Something wasn't right...


	11. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter eight

**Hello everyone, here is today's update, where did Caleb's pills get to? I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter eight

"I-I-I loved t-tonight mummy" Ethan grinned as he walked upstairs, his mother followed behind.

"Me too" she replied.

"I'm r-really good a-a-at Jenga" he continued.

"You are, much better than me and your daddy" she smiled.

"W-we n-never spend t-t-time as a f-family" Ethan stated, "I w-wish C-C-aleb was a-awake to p-play too" he sighed.

"Me too sweetie" she whispered as they walked into the boy's bedroom.

Caleb lay asleep on the bottom bunk on his front lying diagonally still fully clothed, as if he had passed out the second his body hit the mattress.

"H-he's on m-my b-bed" Ethan moaned.

"Well, you can sleep on the top one for tonight; I doubt he's going to pull you off tonight is he? He's very tired" she replied as she sat down next to Caleb on the bed and stroked his hair, "God, he's burning up" she spoke concerned as she felt his forehead with the back of her hand, Ethan looked over her shoulder at his older brother, "Caleb honey, wake up" she called as she shook him, he didn't react.

"Ethan go and get your father" she ordered.

"B-but he's a-asleep, he h-has work-" Ethan replied.

"I don't care, get him up quick" she replied frantically.

Ethan hurried out of the room.

"It's going to be okay Caleb, it's going to be okay" she whispered.

Their father and Ethan appeared in the room "this better be good" he huffed.

"It's Caleb" she spoke worryingly, "he's boiling, he won't wake up" she added as she stood up.

His father jumped into action, "Caleb can you hear me?" He called as he inspected him, "Caleb!" He called. He placed two fingers beneath his jawline, "he's got a pulse..." He stated as he felt it "he's unresponsive..." He stopped for a moment to think, "Ethan go and get my briefcase from my office please" he ordered, Ethan quickly hurried back to the room with his father's briefcase. He took out a torch and flashed it in Caleb's eyes, "his pupils are responding normally" he stated he then placed a stethoscope on his son's back and listened momentarily. "Caleb wake up" he shouted as he shook his body frantically, "come on son, wake up" the boy began to stir slightly letting out groans in response to his father's shouting, "Caleb!" He opened his eyes and looked at his father, "don't mess me about like that Caleb" his father warned, Caleb rolled his eyes "I feel weird" he mumbled as he sat up, everyone paused awkwardly as they watched him.

"H-he's wet t-the b-bed" Ethan announced, "my b-bed" he added.

The older boy looked down at his pants to find a damp patch by his crotch "I'm sorry" he mumbled, as father pulled him by the scruff off his neck off the bed, his mother held him in her arms.

"Even when you're asleep you're still annoying" his father huffed as he began to strip the bed.

"I'm sorry" Caleb sobbed as his mother held him.

"It's okay sweetie, it's not your fault" she spoke softly as she helped him undress.

"I'm sorry" was all he could say as he cried, he'd never felt so embarrassed in his life. "...I feel weird" he whimpered as he pulled on his pyjama top, he then darted to the bathroom and dropped before the toilet, heaving into it repeatedly his mother sat on the side of the bathtub rubbing his back.

"This isn't right" she stated as their father appeared in the doorway.

"I think he's had a seizure" he stated.

"A seizure?!" She spat out, "what makes you think that?" She asked frantically.

"Well, he wasn't unresponsive he was just in a deep sleep, plus he lost bladder control which is a common symptom...after seizures people tend to want to sleep, deeply, it's like your brain has just ran a marathon within the space of a few seconds so you sleep, to allow yourself to rest and recover" he explained.

"But, why would he have a seizure?" She asked as Caleb pulled his head from out of the toilet, breathing deeply.

"M-maybe it's t-this" Ethan announced as he pulled out the empty tablet packet.

Realisation grew across their parents instantly.

"Where have they all gone?" His mother called as she inspected her eldest son.

Their father saw a great opportunity unfold, "where did you get these Ethan?" He demanded, "Did you give Caleb all these tablets huh?" He continued, not giving the young boy a chance to speak, "do you not understand how dangerous that is Ethan?!" He roared as he towered over him.

"N-n-no I-I-I..." Ethan couldn't get any words out.

His father picked him up and carried him into his bed room "C-C-Cal-" he cried as he took him away.

"Ethan I know you never gave them to him okay son? But we can't tell mummy okay?" His father whispered as he kneeled down before him,

"W-why d-did y-y-you do I-it?" The small boy whimpered.

"I don't know, it was a stupid mistake, but we'll keep it our little secret okay?" He smiled.

"Y-you need t-testing!" Ethan roared as he climbed up the ladder to the top bunk.

"How is he?" Their father asked as he walked back into the bathroom where his wife had a phone held to her ear.

"What are you doing?!" He called as he snatched it off her.

"Calling an ambulance" she replied.

"No you can't- imagine how pathetic it would make me look when _my_ colleagues show up at _my_ house to treat _my_ son...I'm a doctor for god sake!" He shouted.

"He needs medical help he's had a seizure" she snapped as she snatched the phone back.

"Well he can have it here off me; look he's fine, aren't you?" He asked as he looked down at Caleb he stood beside his mother, he nodded slowly in reply.

"There see, he's fine, there's nothing we can do for seizures, plus he's probably vomited up half the tablets he's took, there's no point in taking him to the hospital I'll look after him here, he's passed the worst now-" as he finished his speech as if on cue, Caleb began to sway back and forth slightly before his body plummeted to the floor and he encountered another seizure, "oh great" his father sighed as he grabbed a towel and placed it beneath Caleb's head as protection.

"I'm taking him to hospital" his wife spoke sternly as she wiped her tears away from her face and picked up her limp son.

* * *

 _Present day..._

"What so your own dad overdosed you?" Robyn asked stunned.

"Yep" Cal nodded as he looked up at her and flashed a smile before he looked back down and fixed his eyes on the ground.

"But...why?" Lofty asked.

"I've never been able to suss that out actually, maybe it was to see what my limit was or maybe so I didn't go to the park to play football I have no idea" he shrugged, "he wasn't right in the head but he knew what he was doing- he wouldn't have killed me, if he wanted to do that he would've gave me more tablets" he added confidently.

"An innocent seven year old boy" Robyn shook her head in disgust.

"I'll always remember that night, it was horrible" Ethan spoke with a shudder as he looked over at Cal.

"I was just embarrassed mum kept telling the doctors in the hospital I'd wet the bed" Cal chuckled.

"Did you take the blame for the tablets Ethan?" Lofty asked.

"Yes, though it was clear to everyone how he ended up having them all" Ethan replied with a shrug.

"I took my first pills in the hospital, then slept all the way home, woke up for dinner where my dad gave me a drink with my pills crushed up in it and I went back to bed and crashed out again...where was the opportunity for anyone else but my dad to give me the overdose?" Cal shrugged.

"Did your mum confront him about it?" Max asked.

Cal shook his head, "No, mum would never upset dad, she was completely head over heels in love with him" Cal scoffed as he thought back.

"Our father was what you would call a lady's man, he was very attractive, very smart and a doctor what else would a lady want? I think mother was just afraid of losing him to someone else, he constantly had female attention" Ethan sighed.

"He was sleeping with a nurse from work, he had an affair with her for years" Cal added as he shook his head in disgust, "Mum knew it was going on too, even we knew he was up to something" he added.

"Did you get to play in the final?" Max asked.

"What?" Lofty and Robyn asked confused.

"Football, you won the semis right?" Max asked.

"Oh, no, in fact, I never played football again, I didn't have the energy" Cal sighed in reply.

"Wait...so they didn't take you off the pills after that?" Robyn spoke amazed.

"Are you kidding? My dad just got all he'd ever longed for, my diagnosis, there's no way he'd let that slip, he kept me on them for years" he replied.

"What about your mum? Surely she had a say?" She asked.

Cal and Ethan shot a glance at her knowingly.

"Oh, yeah...of course" she replied awkwardly.

"So are you still on the tablets now or?" Max asked awkwardly.

"No" Cal chuckled, "I was kept on them ones until I was about 15 and then he changed them to stronger ones I can't even remember what they were called but they seriously messed with my head-" Ethan cut him off.

"Cal that's enough of that story now, let's go to the pub" he spoke as he stood up.

"Are you kidding? This just got interesting! Cal carry on" Max urged.

"...these new pills were really strong-" Ethan cut him off again.

"He was on them for a year then he got off them, moved away when he was 18 to go to university and never back home again that's it- now can we go to the pub?" He asked as he reached the staffroom door.

"No!" Max, Robyn and Lofty all yelled simultaneously as they impatiently awaited the rest of Cal's story.

"It's okay Ethan" Cal smiled reassuringly but Ethan shook his head. Cal turned to face his colleagues on the couch and took in a deep breath, "these pills, they messed with my head...I, um, I became depressed pretty quickly-" Lofty cut him off.

"Oh Cal I'm sorry, now I get it Ethan. You don't have to continue" he smiled sympathetically.

They stood up to leave, but Ethan didn't budge, he was too deep in thought...


	12. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter Nine

**Hi everyone! Happy Casualty day! *Just a warning about this next chapter there is talk about self harm and depression and so if you are triggered by these things please** ** _please_** **don't read!* Other than that I hope you enjoy this chapter, we jump ahead a bit than we have been and see a 14 year old Ethan trying to think of ways to help his 16 year old brother Caleb. Please let me know what you think as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter Nine

"Therapy seemed to work...for a while, but then dad changed his medication and now...now, he's completely different, even more different to his old pills, he's not even tired anymore it's like he's just...given up. The other day we went to get the bus to school and he just walked out into the road, he didn't even look, he just stepped out and it was as though he didn't even realise until I shouted him and he looked back at me with this expression on his face like he was lost but it's the new pills, they're messing with his head. He doesn't have ADHD, I've been doing research of it in the library and at school and Caleb doesn't have it, I could bet my life on it. Atomoxetine, it's a drug that helps the chemical imbalance in an ADHD patient's brain...but Caleb hasn't got ADHD, therefore there isn't an imbalance of chemicals for the drugs to help sort out, meaning they're just messing with his head basically and if wrongly prescribed they're known to cause side effects like major sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts...plus dad uses a higher dosage with him than he should have. I just feel so useless, I can see my own brother fading away right before my eyes and I can't stop it. There's a moment, one of my favourite moments, every morning, Caleb always sets his alarm for an hour earlier than he needs because he knows when he wakes up that he's slept off his pills and he's normal again, and, he just lays there in bed looking up at the ceiling, and I can only imagine how that must feel...to have the feeling of just pure normality for a few moments before you're drugged up again and sent packing. Dad has started working even more recently, Caleb keeps saying it's because he's got a girlfriend in work but I disagree, mum and dad love each other, I know it. Caleb, he's just sad and moody all the time, and I know he's 16 and a 'classic teenager' but this isn't Caleb, his way of being a teenager would probably involve different types of drugs...alcohol and cigarettes, not the illegal kind, though alcohol and cigarettes are illegal at his age- but that's not the point- if he was off the pills he would be out enjoying his life, being happy, he'd have a girlfriend and he'd go out all the time but he doesn't. He sits in our room, alone and it's the pills. He always wears the same jumper, this blue and green stripped baggy jumper that he never takes off, I can't remember a time when he didn't wear it and to be honest, I'm worried for what there might be when he finally takes it off...he must be hiding something." He sighed deeply as he fixed his eyes on the ground "look, I just want my brother back...I just don't know how" he whispered.

"Ethan, it's nice that you trust me enough to share these thoughts but I'm your speech therapist, not a psychiatrist. I'm here to get you talking properly, which was a bridge we had crossed by time you were seven. I do enjoy these checkups to see how my patients are doing but I'm not here to discuss your private life." His therapist replied.

"Please you have to help, I trust you, you made me better why can't you make him better too?" Ethan pleaded.

"You were never ill Ethan, you got better on your own, I just gave you some exercises to try out and boosted your confidence slightly, I couldn't have done any of that if you didn't try, you had a stutter...what your brother has seems much more complex, to the untrained mind at least" she replied.

"I think he's depressed" he stated, ignoring her completely.

"Oh Ethan, you're incredibly smart for such a young boy, you always have been even since I met you for our first session when you were five and you could barely get out a clear sentence-" Ethan cut her off.

"No, if I were that smart I could help him, or at least try and think of a way to, I'm scared of what he might do to himself, I just want him back to normal" he replied.

"There is no position where I stand on this situation but, I think you know what you have to do Ethan, you kept saying it yourself "it's the pills" "it's because of the pills" "when he's on the pills"" she raised her eyebrows.

"The pills" Ethan spoke in realisation, "thank you"

* * *

He lay in his bed, looking over at his older brother who slept in his bed at the other side of the room. He had a plan in mind, though to actually put it into practice was risky...but surely the few risks would be worth it right? He was snapped from his thoughts when he saw Caleb sit up in his bed to remove his jumper; he dropped it to the floor beside his bed and lay back down to sleep. He saw an opportunity unfold before him...he got out of bed and slowly walked over to his sleeping brother, being as quiet as possible, and inspected him. He had to look away when he saw the scars covering his brother's forearms, some old, some new. This proved his theory right though the thought of being right on this ached his heart. He came to the conclusion that his plan was definitely worth the risks...

"Caleb?" he whispered, "Cal?" He called again.

"What's up Eth?" Caleb asked as he looked up at his younger brother stood at his bedside.

Ethan hesitated for a moment, "...Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"About what?" Caleb asked confused.

"Anything" Ethan shrugged.

"...okay" Caleb replied awkwardly as he moved over in his bed to allow room for his brother.

Ethan lay down beside him in bed and looked down at his scarred arms "Caleb why are you hurting yourself?" Ethan asked sheepishly.

"Where's my jumper?!" Caleb snapped in realisation as he sat up. Ethan picked it up from the floor and gave it to him.

He put it on and sighed, "Don't tell mum, I don't want her worrying about me" he whispered.

"What about me Caleb? I'm worried about you!" Ethan spat out, "why have you done that to yourself?" He asked.

"I don't know" Caleb shrugged as he lay back down, Ethan looked at him knowingly "I honestly don't, right now when I think about doing it it makes me feel sick but later on today I can guarantee that I'll just hit a point where I think what's the point in living anymore? You know Eth, I get up and take my pills, go to school, take my pills at dinner time then get home and take my pills at tea time, do my homework and go to bed, that's no life Ethan, but at the same time that _is_ my life...is this what my entire life is going to be like? Revolving around pills and prescriptions? What's the point in that Ethan?" He sighed.

"You don't mean that" Ethan shook his head, "it's the pills that make you think like that, you've slept the pills off right now and you feel fine right?" He asked, Caleb nodded, "see, it's the pills teasing you into thinking you hate the way you live Caleb but it's not true" Ethan stated.

"Would you want to live like this Ethan?" Caleb asked. Ethan couldn't reply.

"Remember those stars" Ethan laughed as he looked up at the glow in the dark star stickers on their ceiling that no longer glow at all.

"Yeah" Caleb laughed as he looked up at them Ethan paused to count, "there's 37" Caleb announced stopping his younger brother's counting, "I spent endless nights counting them when I used to stay awake all night because you would snore like a pig" He joked causing Ethan to laugh.

"Remember that time you pulled me off my bed and I broke my arm?" Ethan asked mid-laugh.

"That was so bad" Caleb replied as he wiped away the tears of laughter that had built in his eyes, "remember when we used to jump from the top bunk onto the duvets?" He chuckled.

"That was the best fun ever" Ethan laughed, "We've had some good times" Ethan announced with a happy sigh, Caleb nodded. Both boys still lay stirring at the ceiling.

"Caleb..." Ethan began something he'd been building up for so long, Caleb looked down at his younger brother, "dad said you don't need to take your pills tomorrow, you've got your first exam and so it's best to focus on that" he spoke as he looked up at him.

"He really said that?" Caleb asked in shock.

"Yep" Ethan nodded, "but don't mention it to him, it'll be best if you don't make a big deal out of it" he added.

Caleb looked back up at the ceiling and stayed quiet.

"Cal, what's up? I thought that would make you happy, you can be normal again" Ethan asked confused.

"I can't remember how to be normal Eth, it's been so long I don't know how, the thought actually scares me slightly, I haven't felt normal since I was seven, I'm sixteen now..." His voice trailed off, "everything feels different when I'm on the pills, even the smell of the outside, I used to love going to the park and the smell of the outdoors it made me feel free" he added.

"You can do it Caleb, there's no need to be scared of normality you can live your life now" Ethan smiled, "who knows, you might even get yourself a girlfriend" he winked causing Caleb to chuckle.

"I just want my brother back" Ethan spoke sincerely; Caleb put his arm around him.

"He never left Eth" he whispered in reply.

* * *

The next morning Ethan woke to the sound of Caleb's early alarm and hurried down the stairs before his older brother had a chance to open his eyes. Last night he had hatched his plan but now it was time to put it into practise. Though, there were a few obstacles he had to overcome along the way...

"Morning buddy, you're up early" his father announced as he walked into the living room.

"Morning dad" he smiled in replied, he daren't think up a lie for why he was up, this plan already involved too many lies.

"Oh sweetie I'll make you some breakfast" his mother called from the living room.

"It's okay mum I'll make my own!" Ethan called back frantically. Two obstacles were out of the way. There was now the final one...he looked up at the top cupboard in the kitchen where Caleb's pills were kept, that had been their home at the highest point in the kitchen since Caleb's overdose nine years ago, though Caleb was now tall enough to reach it, Ethan was still small for his age. He took in a deep breath and grabbed a chair. He looked over his shoulder at his parents sat in the living room reading newspapers and saw his opportunity, he stood on the chair opened up the cupboard and grabbed his brother's medication, all of it.

The plan was in practice. He had hidden all the medication under his bed, no one would think to look there right? He sat eating his breakfast warily watching his brother do the same wondering if he remembered what he'd told him last night but when his brother flashed a smile his way he knew; he remembered. They both stood up to place their empty bowls in the sink as their father entered.

"Caleb, have you taken your medication?" He asked. Ethan's heart jumped to his throat as he watched his brother's eyes shoot a glance towards him and then back at his father, " _I'm dead, dad's going to kill me...Caleb's going to kill me!"_ he thought to himself as he froze on spot.

"Yep" Caleb grinned. Ethan looked at him warily as he shot another knowingly glance in his direction.

"Good" their father smiled, "let me know when you need a new prescription and I'll sort you out" he added, "good luck for you exams today son, I know you can do it" he smiled as he patted Caleb's back.

"Thanks dad" he replied awkwardly, he'd never had so much affection or attention from his father.

"Come on Eth, let's walk to school today" he smiled as he left the kitchen, his younger brother following behind.

"Bye boys, good luck Caleb you'll be fine" their mother called as they left the house.

"I can't believe you" Caleb spat out as he hurried down the street.

"Are you angry?" Ethan asked sheepishly as he followed.

"Ethan this could be dangerous, I've relied on them for 9 years I-" Ethan cut him off.

"I've done research Cal you'll be fine...I think" he muttered the last part under his breath.

"Oh great" Caleb scoffed sarcastically as he continued to hurry away.

"Look you're free Caleb, you can be yourself today and who knows, you might just like it" Ethan smiled.

Caleb stopped his rushing and leaned back against the wall of a house out of sight of their own. He took in a deep sniff of the air and laughed as he released it, "you know what Eth?" He asked, "I think I do" he grinned.


	13. I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter ten

**Hi everyone! Here is the last addition to 'I'd rather be a Knight' I hope you enjoyed, thank you for all the lovely reviews you have left throughout. Keep leaving your unanswered questions and what ifs and I'll keep writing for the next short story which should be up soon. Please let me know your thoughts on this last chapter, thanks for your constant support, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter ten

Two years had passed and Caleb hadn't taken a pill since, never had he felt so free and it was all down to Ethan. He passed his GCSEs and his A levels with flying colours and had just been accepted into university though he hadn't told his parents that just yet...he started going to parties, staying over at friend's houses, he even gotten himself a girlfriend, his parents saw this as him being rebellious though he and Ethan saw it as Caleb gaining himself a life.

"Ethan, did Caleb come home last night?" His mother asked worryingly.  
"Nope" Ethan shrugged in reply as he looked back down to read his revision book - he had his GCSEs fast approaching -  
"I don't think his pills are working anymore" his father huffed.  
Ethan rolled his eyes, "how would you know? You're never here to see us anyway you're always working" he scoffed.  
Just as his father opened his mouth to reply the front door shut, snapping everyone from their trail of thought.  
In staggered Caleb who went straight to the stairs, his plan being to sneak up there before anyone could notice but his uneven heavy footsteps made that impossible.  
"Caleb!" His father called just as his foot hit the first step.  
Caleb sighed deeply at the fact he'd been caught and walked into the living room where his parents stood waiting. He shot a glance at Ethan who looked up at him with a smirk on his face; he then looked down to attempt to hide the smirk on his own face.  
"Do you find this amusing?" His father asked, Caleb sniggered quietly as he leaned his drunken body back against the wall, "well, do you?!" His father snapped.  
"Slightly" Caleb replied causing Ethan to chuckle; he attempted to hide his smile with his revision book.  
"Stop with the attitude Caleb" his father warned.  
"Sorry, I must have worn off my pills" Caleb slurred sarcastically. Ethan laughed knowingly.  
"Yes I think you must have, for the last few weeks actually, you haven't been acting yourself, you've been going out partying, getting drunk, I remember a time you wouldn't even leave your room- it was pure bliss, I've been considering upping your dosage, they've obviously lost their effect" his father shouted.  
"Wow" Caleb spoke out stunned, "you actually are that _shit_ of a father aren't you?" he shook his head.  
"Mind your language Caleb" his mother warned.  
"You know dad you're right, the pills haven't been effecting me, because I haven't been taking them" Caleb admitted, Ethan's smile quickly dropped.  
"I knew something was up" his father replied smugly.  
"I haven't been taking them for the past two years dad" he spat out, "and you haven't noticed because you're never around, ever. I finally have a life dad and it's great, yeah I know I choose to go and get drunk when I could be at home revising but who in the right mind would do that? I went to get tested you know, again, properly this time...I don't have ADHD, I never did" he spoke through gritted teeth.  
His mother shot a concerned glance at his father whose blood quickly boiled and then back to Caleb.  
"What so you mean all this time we've been giving you medication for a disorder that you don't even have?" She asked in shock.  
"Yep" Caleb replied as he folded his arms, awaiting his father's reply.  
"Well it worked didn't it" his father shrugged, "it was nice to have you calm, sleeping and hiding away in your room all the time, it was like only having one child" he smiled as he looked over at Ethan, "you passed your exams, you're probably going to get into medicine and carry on the name of Doctor Hardy. If you weren't on the medication you would still be kicking a ball around a pitch somewhere, you should thank me" his father scoffed.  
Caleb's blood was now the one boiling, he pulled up the sleeves of his jumper to show off his faded scars. Tears welled up in his mother's eyes as she wrapped her arms around him, "this is what those pills did to me" he whispered as his mother cupped his face in her hands,  
"I'm so sorry Caleb, I'm so so sorry" she cried as she hugged him once more.  
"I'll never blame you mum" he whimpered, it pained him to see his mother feel guilt for what his father had done to him, "I'll always blame him though, the monster of a father" he muttered.  
His father fixed his eyes on the ground, "all this time you've been lying about taking those pills, I've been getting them from the hospital for you for years, do you not understand that you are taking them away from a patient that actually needs them-" Caleb cut him off.  
"Ah thank you! 'A patient who actually needs them' you finally said it yourself, I don't need them, I never did!" He roared as his mother stood at his side.

"I think it's best you leave" Caleb spat out.  
"I'm sorry what?" His father asked amused.  
"Leave. No one wants you here, it would be like normal anyway, you're never here" Caleb replied.  
"Don't be so dramatic" his father scoffed.  
"Either you leave, or I do" Caleb threatened.  
"You can't kick me out of my own house" his father laughed. Caleb shot a glance over to Ethan who shook his head at him and then back to his father, he took a deep breath and spoke,  
"Okay then, why don't you tell mum about that slut you've been sleeping with in work and mum, why don't you stop pretending like you haven't know it's been going on for years whilst I go and get my bags?" He suggested and walked upstairs leaving everyone in stunned and awkward silence.

His mother and father entered an argument and he appeared downstairs with his bags.  
"C-cal p-p-please, d-don't" Ethan stuttered as he followed his brother to the door, trying as best as he could to be heard over his parent's yelling.  
Caleb turned back to look at his brother holding his bags in his hands, "Ethan you're stuttering" he stated sympathetically.  
"P-please don't g-go" he pleaded as tears built in his eyes.  
"I've just got to get out Ethan" he whispered and left the house. Ethan froze, he stood in the hallway listening to the angered yells and shouts from his parents and he suddenly felt anger come over him.

"Stop arguing!" He yelled as he walked into the living room, both his parents paused in shock; Ethan was never one to shout.  
"You! You caused this! All his life you drugged him up because you didn't like how he acted when that was just who he was, he hasn't had a normal life because of you and now he's gone, because of you!" He shouted at his father.  
"...Ethan" his father sighed as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
"No don't touch me, I hate you!" He roared as he shrugged off his father's hand and left the house in search of his brother.

He found Caleb sat at the bus stop with his bags surrounding him.  
He sat down next to him and they stayed in silence for a few moments before Ethan spoke out, "Please Caleb, don't go" he pleaded.  
"I have to Eth" Caleb spoke softly.  
"Where will you go to? Your bags, they were already packed?" Ethan asked confused.  
"I'm leaving for uni Ethan, to study medicine I got accepted and I told them I want to live on campus, to get away from here" he explained.  
Ethan paused in complete shock...  
"Will I see you again?" He asked hesitantly, not really wanting to get answer.  
"...I don't plan on coming back here anytime soon" Caleb admitted.  
Ethan felt his heart ache, "I've only just got my brother back, you can't leave, you can't leave me here, with them to pick up the pieces, please Cal-" Caleb cut Ethan's whimpering off.  
"When you're 18 you can leave too yeah?" He suggested.  
"But I want you to be here Caleb" Ethan protested as a tear escaped his eye, he quickly wiped it away hoping his brother didn't notice.  
"How about this? I'll come back on your 18th birthday and we'll go away together yeah? I'll get you out too" he proposed.  
"Promise?" Ethan whimpered.  
"Cross my heart Nibbles, just two more years" he smiled.  
Ethan looked down and nodded as more tears escaped his eyes.  
"Say it Ethan, just two more years" Caleb whispered.  
"Just two more years" Ethan whimpered.  
"That's it" Caleb smiled as he pulled him in for a hug, "I'll come back for you, just two more years" he ducked down to his younger brother's level and said it once more before he turned to get on the bus. He sat right at the back so he could give Ethan a wave as it drove away.  
"Just two more years, just two more years" Ethan whispered repeatedly to himself as he watched his brother's bus disappear, tears streaming down his face.  
 _  
_

* * *

 _Present day..._

"Wow" Max spat out.  
"I know" Lofty agreed.  
"Have you ever considered writing a book mate?" Max laughed as he put his arm around Cal.  
"Very funny" Cal rolled his eyes with a smirk.  
"No really though, what a story Cal! I like stories with happy endings" Robyn smiled as she looked at the brothers stood side by side, she then left with Max and Lofty for the pub leaving Ethan and Cal stood alone in the staff room.  
"You know, you never did keep your promise, I waited for you" Ethan stated as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.  
"I did actually" Cal replied as he pulled on his leather jacket.  
"What?" Ethan looked up at him confused.  
"I came back on your 18th, as promised, I saw you with mum and dad, you looked happy with them and then I heard dad talking about tuition fees, saying he'll pay them for you Eth and that's when I knew to leave you, I had to work every single day on the side of university to pay my way, I'd just failed a year to which I had to re-sit, I knew you would've done better with them, without me, and looks like I was right" he laughed.  
"You could've at least called, I'll admit I hated you for not coming" Ethan smiled slightly.  
"And give dad the pleasure of knowing I was going to become his much wanted precious 'Doctor Hardy'? No chance- I'd rather be a Knight" Cal winked as he put his arm around his brother and they left together to join their colleagues in the pub.


	14. Heart over head - Chapter one

**Hello everyone! I'm back with another addition to this collection of mini stories, this time with a "what if" sent to me via PM. I had many what ifs revolving around the same topic... "what if Ethan was more involved in the Zax wedding drama" "What if Honey got injured" "What if Ethan got injured" "What if Cal was there" and so I've decided to challenge myself to try and get them all into one short story, and when I say "short story" I actually mean "short story" as you all know I tend to say "short story" and I drag it out for ten or so chapters and so I will actually try and make this one short...ish. My weekly routine has changed quite a lot in this last week and so I won't have as much time to publish, most updates will probably be towards the end of the week as that is when I have the most free time however I will stick to it *promise* so please keep your unanswered questions, wonderings and what ifs coming in as I am still writing any time I get the chance to, and this collection of short stories is extremely far from finished I can assure you.**

 **I hope you enjoy. Please let me know your thoughts on the first chapter of this new what if "heart over head", it would be much appreciated, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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What if – Zoe and Max's wedding was even more traumatic...

Heart over head – Chapter one

Smoke covered the room within seconds. I stood back, what was happening? Time seemed to happen so fast. Just a few moments ago I was dancing with Honey and now...now everything's burning down. I had two thoughts, two most important thoughts that appeared in my mind instantly, 1: Cal, 2: Honey.

I knew Cal was fine; I could hear him calling me but Honey...she was behind me when I jumped in to grab Max, when the gas light thing fell, she was behind me, meaning the fire thing was in between us, meaning she's behind the fire...no, surely not? I looked deep into the smoke; only seeing flashes of people scurrying to safety, and hearing terrified screams of the guests who were just a few moments ago having a lovely time, but no Honey..."Honey?" I whispered, why I whispered I'll never know it did no help, "Honey!" I managed to shout that time. I saw something move on the floor through the smoke, in between the fire and me, it may not be Honey but whoever it was, needed help. I moved closer I could feel the heat of the fire on my face. I took in a deep breath and shouted once more "Honey!" Toward the figure on the floor, but the deep breath of thick black smoke I decided to inhale was probably not for the best. I felt it hit the back of my throat and bury down into my lungs, polluting them instantly and I entered a coughing fit; my body desperately fighting for some clean air.

"Ethan, what are you doing? We need to get out of here!" I heard Cal's voice speak out and a hand grab my arm. But I protested, I shook my head and shoved off the hand "Honey!" I spluttered through my coughing, which was pointless; I couldn't even understand what I had said yet I was the one who had said it.

"Ethan come on!" Cal demanded as I felt my body being practically lifted by the force of my older brother desperately grabbing at me to leave.

"Where's Honey?" I asked him as he pushed me, my eyes were still very much fixed on where the figure lay on the floor, but my view of it had now been covered with smoke.

"She's probably outside with everyone else Ethan for god sake just get out!" Cal roared as he pushed me, hard, but I just couldn't seem to move myself. What if that figure was Honey? What if she's not outside with everyone else but lying there, by the fire, breathing in all this smoke? No. She WILL be outside, she'll be with Noel. I repeated the thought that she'd be with Noel in my head as I felt Cal place his arm over my shoulders and hurry us outside, he practically threw both our bodies down the stairs and we landed on the grass, just in time. I turned to witness the place where I was just stood crumble to the ground; I watched it, side by side with my brother who sat with the same shock-horror expression on his face as the building collapsed. I could practically read his mind, I knew he would be thinking "thank god we got out of there when we did" but all I could think was: "Honey will be with Noel, SHE _WILL_ BE WITH NOEL"

Cal placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye, "are you okay?" He asked. I hesitated for a moment; everything was too much for me to take in, _was_ I okay? I felt completely numb because of everything that was happening, I could be pouring with blood and I wouldn't know it, though I'm sure if I was pouring with blood Cal would react a lot differently than just asking if I'm okay. I managed to nod in reply to his question.

"Jesus lads, looks like you got out of there just in time" Noel's voice spoke out, "are you okay Ethan?" He asked as he stood over me beside Big Mac.

"Are there ambulances on their way? He's breathed in a lot of smoke he can't stop coughing" Cal spoke out as he stood up.

Me? Coughing? Oh wait, I am, I'm coughing, badly, I can't catch my breath, how did I not notice I still was coughing?

"They're coming" Big Mac reassured my older brother.

"And how are you doc?" He asked then their voices trailed off into mere background noise, like the sounds of the screams and the collapsing buildings had too.

I looked up at Noel to find he was alone, with Big Mac but, alone...no Honey.

Please no.

I had to get back in there, I just had to.

I managed to get myself up onto my knees and then heave my body up, though I stumbled forward but saved myself from the fall by putting out my hands into the muddy grass before me, still coughing whilst doing all this.

"Where are you going?" Cal's voice called.

"Ethan you need to calm down okay?" He spoke softly as he kneeled down before me.

I shook my head, "no" I managed to speak through my coughing and pushed him out of the way; I _would_ get back in there, even if I had to crawl, I need to get to Honey.

Realisation must've grown upon Noel during my desperate scurrying, "where's Honey?" He spoke out as he looked toward Cal in worry, "I thought she was with you!" Cal spat out in concern.

"No she was with Ethan, she has been all night" Noel replied as he looked down at me.

I shook my head slowly. Noel darted instantly back into the crumbling building in search of his daughter.

Oh God no she's still in there she, she's in there, what type of person leaves the girl he loves in a burning building? I need to get there, I need to find Honey, I need to- breathe. I need to breathe, I can't breathe, I'm chocking...why can't I breathe?! It felt as though someone had their hand wrapped around my neck and squeezing so hard, my hands shot up to my neck to free the hands from around it but there weren't any, what was happening to me?

"Ethan look at me, look at me" Cal demanded as he kneeled down before me and pulled my hands off from feeling my neck.

"Calm down. You need to calm down you're having a panic attack, just breathe" he explained.

Breathe? BREATHE?! How am possibly supposed to do that I'm chocking!

"No you're not, you're not chocking Ethan, just take deep breaths okay?" He spoke determinately. I must've said that out loud...unless he felt as though he could read my mind too.

"In" Cal whispered as he inhaled, I did too, he held the breath there for a few moments; "out" he whispered as he slowly exhaled, I did too. We repeated this a few times before I began to calm, I could physically feel my heart rate drop back down to normal within my body.

"I need to find Honey, Caleb" I announced as I stood myself up.

Cal shook his head dramatically and began his lecture, "There's no way I'm letting you back in there Ethan-" he was cut off.

"Cal, Ethan, help us out will you?" Robyn called over to us as she held up some fire extinguishers.

Cal ran over and grabbed two, he threw one over to me but it hit the ground, I stood frozen, I felt so helpless...HONEY IS IN THERE.

"Listen mate, stop moping 'round yeah? You're not going back in that building if it's the last thing I do so grab an extinguisher and help out" Cal spoke firmly as he threw the extinguisher at me once more which I caught this time.

I sprung into action. I knew exactly where Honey was stood when the fire begun. I knew exactly where that figure lay through all the smoke. I grabbed my fire extinguisher and ran straight for it aiming right where the body lay. Soon enough the fire where I was aiming started to die down a little, just enough for me to see; the body was gone. I stood there for a moment in complete shock; they must have gotten themselves out.

Suddenly there was a huge explosion that seemed to rattle the earth, we all looked out to the river to find Dylan's boat go up completely in flames. No one had even noticed it leaving port, how had it caught fire? It must've been the embers off the fire from the building...there was splashing around the boat as if somebody had thrown themselves in, it must've been Dylan was my initial thought but then my assumptions soon changed.

"Zoe!" Max screamed tears were streaming down his face. Oh how completely messed up this entire day had become for them this was their wedding day ergo supposedly "the happiest day of their lives" yet the guests stood around trying to get die the fire down where the reception was being held whilst the bride had to jump from an exploding boat and the groom was in floods of tears.

"Charlie!" Lofty yelled. I looked over to find Charlie plunge himself into the water in attempt to rescue Zoe...this can't end well.

We all stopped what we were doing and watched for any signs, none came. I had held my breath since the second Charlie threw himself into the water.

"Zoe!" Max cried as he ran out into the water splashing about aimlessly.

Suddenly Charlie burst out of the water holding Zoe's limp body in his arms.

"...Cal!" I called as I released my breath; I seemed to be the first to notice them.

I ran down to the water, with my brother following closely behind and took Zoe's body from Charlie's grasp. I placed her gently on the ground and my doctor instincts hit in instantly.

"Zoe, it's Ethan can you hear me?" I called as I checked for any signs of breathing; there weren't any.

"Ethan please save her please you have to save her" Max sobbed at my side. The pressure of being medically qualified had never been so great. Cal hugged Max in attempt to calm him but also to allow me to get on with my job. I began chest compressions, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10...repeat, repeat once more...30. Check breathing again. Nothing. Two rescue breaths. Come on Zoe...come on, Hallelujah! Zoe took in a huge gasp for air and coughed out some water she had taken in during her struggle in the river. Cal kneeled down to help me roll her over into the recovery position and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding in. I stood up and looked around for signs of an ambulance and noticed a lot had changed since I last looked around me. There were two fire engines and many firemen fighting the flames of the burning building, the guests of the wedding had been moved far away and there was one ambulance parked beside there.

"Is she alive?" Max asked desperately as he grabbed at my suit.

"Just about" I replied admittedly.

"Thank you" he whimpered and he threw his arms around me.

I looked over at Lofty who had his arms around Charlie who looked pale, even pale for him; he didn't look well at all. Dylan was sat alone on the grass, he had burns to his face and hands, he was shaking and completely drenched from having to jump from his boat.

"We need that ambulance over here now!" I shouted over to Robyn who was still stood by the ambulance.

"It's full" she shouted back.

"Surely this is more important?!" I called in confusion; there was a woman who had been practically dead for a few moments, an elderly man who looked on the verge of death himself and another man with burns...all three had the high possibility of having hypothermia.

"Honey's in there!" She called back.


	15. Heart over head - Chapter two

**Hello everyone! Here is the next chapter of 'Heart over head' which I hope you enjoy. I would usually say "Happy Casualty day!" but we now unfortunately still have the wait of another week until Casualty is back to grace our screens and brighten up our weekends. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter as always, thank you, Kayxxx :)**

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Heart over head – Chapter two

"Ethan..." I heard Cal speak warily as I looked across at the ambulance. I knew what he was thinking, I knew what everyone was thinking...I should stay here and help out my colleagues whose lives were in danger but the mention of Honey's name had completely snapped me from my ways of thinking like a doctor. My head was saying stay and help but, my heart, my heart was saying the complete opposite. I always tend to go with my head in the situations where I'm torn as, as a doctor it is the usually the most professional option and therefore usually works out for the best, however there was one situation where I chose my head over my heart that I will regret until the day I die...my head said: "go to your first day of work" whereas my heart said: "stay and be with mum, she needs you..." and I idiotically listened to my head and missed the opportunity to say goodbye to my mother and be there when she truly needed me in her final moments on this earth.

"This is more important" Max spat out the words I had previously used myself at me but I was frozen, torn between helping three of my colleagues who were truly in dire need or the lady whom I love, at least I think I love...  
"Ethan! This is more important!" Max roared at me.  
"...I'm sorry" I shook my head and quickly made my way over to where the ambulance was parked, my body pumping with adrenaline.  
"Seriously?!" I heard Max yell and then Cal try to calm him, "there'll be another one on its way" he replied calmly.  
"Your brother is messed up, Zoe needs that ambulance not that ditzy tea girl!" Max roared back tearfully.  
"Alright that's a bit harsh, we don't know how bad Honey is yeah?" Cal shouted back. Typical Cal, forever on my side.

"Keep clear of the building!" I heard a man call, it must have been directed to me but in order to get to Honey I had to pass by the building so there was no way of me for filling his wishes.  
"Sir step back, this is a dangerous environment!" Another man called, what was the big deal? It was already burning down; I was in there when the fire started for god sake what else could happen? How much worse could it possible get?  
"Ethan!" I heard Cal shout...there was something about the tone in his voice that caused me to stop instantly, never have I heard my brother sounding so desperate yet terrified at the same time. I turned to find that no one was around me, even the firemen had gotten themselves to safety.  
Suddenly throughout everything that was going on silence filled the air as everyone's eyes looked towards me, it was as though everyone was listening, waiting for something... I turned back to look at the building as I heard a quiet hissing sound coming from it, but...what could it be?  
"Run!" I heard people start to shout to me I looked around me desperately, where should I run to?!  
"Ethan just run!" Cal roared as I saw him try to run towards me but Max dragged him back. I felt as though I had been taken hostage by this burning building and everyone else were bystanders of the whole terrifying ordeal. I decided to run towards the place where I've always felt the most safety; with my family. I ran towards Cal but it was too late...the hissing inside the building stopped and it exploded, much like the explosion on Dylan's boat earlier on but much, much bigger...the only thing I remember after that was darkness.

That was until I felt excruciating pain fill every inch of my body. I opened up my eyes to find the world around me a blur, but only the type of blur I wake up to every morning before I would put on my glasses. I was laying on my back, on the grass, Cal was kneeled down beside me he was sobbing, tears streaming down his face as he shook me he looked as though he was screaming at me but I couldn't hear him...in fact, I couldn't hear anything. The only thing I could hear was a loud extremely high pitched ringing in my ears which drown out the sound of anything or anyone surrounding me, it made my life almost feel like a silent movie, though, it was an incredibly dramatic silent movie I tend to enjoy the more comedic ones. I looked up at Cal wondering what it was that could have caused him so much distress, desperately trying to read his lips as he looked down at me. He grabbed hold of my hand and gave me as much as he could of a smile as the tears still traced his cheeks. I looked at our hands, both were covered in blood and burns, mine hurt badly...then suddenly, it hit in, was I dying? Was this what death felt like? Was this overly dramatic silent movie the end to my life?

I noticed Cal started to direct his speech across my body at my other side, I turned to find Dixie now kneeled down beside me opposite Cal, she too was talking to me though I still couldn't hear a word. She seemed calm, there was a slight look of worry etched on her face but that was nothing compared to the emotional wreck that was my brother. She spoke with a smile of reassurance and then paused as if she were awaiting my answer; I managed to shake my head at her.  
I then noticed another face, it was Iain's. He and Cal tore off my shirt and Iain pinned down my right arm to the ground, I didn't even realise I had been struggling or fighting until now. I looked down at my arm, this was another of my body parts covered in blood and burns, Dixie then gave me a smile and stroked my hair before she placed a needle in my arm. I felt my entire body sooth within seconds, I no longer felt pain or worry, I did however feel tired.

Suddenly my hearing came back like a light switch being flicked on. People were screaming and crying out in fear, in pain, in desperateness, some were coughing in an urge to breath in some clean air though all that surrounded us was thick black smoke, there were sirens, footsteps, water spraying, collapsing buildings, the roar and crackles of the fire...and the sound of my brother telling me he loves me...things must be bad.


	16. Heart over head - Chapter three

**Hello everyone. Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy please let me know your thoughts on it, thank you, Kayxxx :)**

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Heart over head - Chapter three

I opened my eyes to find a ceiling before me, I'd been here before. Well, I'm in here nearly every day of my life but there's only one time I've been in this specific situation before, laying on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask on my face looking up at the ceiling...

"Welcome back" Connie smiled down at me.

"We lost you for a few minutes there Ethan, you almost had me worried" Rita joked. Though, I couldn't really seem to find the joke, I know she was only trying to ease me but, if they meant what I think they meant then I was practically dead for a few minutes. I don't know what's scarier, the fact I had just stared death right in the eye or the fact I had just stared death right in the eye and saw nothing but black? There were no angels or clouds or big stairway leading right up into the sky up to heaven like you see on the movies, nothing. Was that all there was to death? Just simply...the end? I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I didn't think I believed in all that spiritual stuff, maybe Honey and her spiritual ora reading was finally getting to me.

I pulled off my mask but Rita gently guided my hand back down, "try not to move Ethan" she smiled.

"Cal" I mumbled, my voice sounded so hoarse, "where's Cal?" I asked.

"I'm here" I heard his voice; he was stood beside me with tear stained cheeks.

"Are you _still_ crying?" I managed to make that sound like a joke but I genuinely was wondering.

"I've just seen my little brother die right before me Ethan, they had to shock you three times!" he shook his head as he wiped away his tears.

I was shocked three times?! Wow. "Right, I'll let you off then" I joked causing Cal to laugh but he soon turned serious again. Rita and Connie left us alone.

"I swear Ethan; never do that to me again, what were you thinking running out by the fire like that eh? You can be an idiot at times" he shook his head at me.

"Wow Caleb, calling your brother an 'idiot' on his death bed, that's really the thing to do" I laughed sarcastically but it only caused me to enter a coughing fit.

Cal placed my oxygen mask back on my face looked at me in concern; "you're going to be okay mate" he smiled as he took hold of my hand. It worried me to see Cal looking so vulnerable; this was probably the only look he didn't suit.

"Right Doctor Knight back to work" Connie ordered.

"Oh Connie I-" she cut his protesting off.

"You said it yourself he's going to be fine now come on, we're in desperate need of doctors" she led him toward the door.

"I'll be back in later Nibbles" He called as he left.

For some reason I didn't mind him calling me my childhood nickname this time.

"Ethan" I heard a familiar voice call my name, I turned to find Zoe sat propped up in a bed across from mine, still in her wedding dress.

"Thank you" she smiled.

I pulled off my mask to speak, "for what?" I asked confused.

"You saved my life" she replied.

"Charlie Fairhead did that" I shook my head in protest.

"You performed CPR without you Ethan I would have died" she explained.

I didn't really think much of it at the time, I was just doing my job, it's strange to think without me Zoe could be dead...though I'm sure one of the other medically trained professionals who were guests would have stepped up to help. Suddenly something dawned on me as I thought back to earlier in the night, the reason why I ran across by that fire in the first place...

"Honey!" I yelled as I sat up in my bed, and then winced at the pain I had caused myself by moving too quickly.

"Sit back down for me Ethan" Rita spoke softly as she made her way over.

"How's Honey?" I asked as I shoved off her helping hands, "Rita please!" I urged I refused to move until she gave me a valid answer.

"I'll find out for you" she forced out a smile as she sat me back it was obvious she was hiding something, "but first we need to get these burns sorted" she spoke out as she examined my body and then my head.

"Your right side is the worst for burns, but you've got a gash to your head from flying debris of the building which I'm more concerned about" she explained as she inspected my head, "I'll see if I can get you booked in for a CT, just to be on the safe side" she concluded.

Everything hurt.

I looked at Zoe and she pointed through to RESUS one, I looked over to find Honey lying on a bed in there, Connie, Lily and Cal stood around her.

"I need the bathroom" I announced thinking on my feet, I don't know why I didn't just ask to see Honey but hey ho, no going back now. Rita awkwardly held up a bedpan.

"No way" I shook my head, "I'll be okay to go to the bathroom Rita, I'll just put on a hospital gown and-" she cut me off.

"I don't want you putting on any clothes until you're bandaged up" she protested.

"Well I'll go like this then- I _really_ need the bathroom" I urged.

"Fine" she huffed and helped me to my feet. I looked down at my pants to find they had rips in them; I looked like one of those trendy teenagers who had purposely ripped pants though through my rips showed more burns, how badly was I injured?

Once out of sight of Rita I turned for RESUS one. I stood outside the door looking in; I couldn't bring myself to go in there...the sight I saw tore my heart right out of my chest. Connie was leaning over Honey repeatedly pressing down hard on her chest, Lily stood the other side of the bed monitoring Honey's machine and Cal stood at the foot of the bed watching on with the same expression on his face that I shown: a mixture of fear, dread, heartache and love.

"Shocking" I heard Connie announce, Honey's body jumped up slightly as the electrical impulses were shot through her body.

"Nothing" Lily shook her head and Connie began chest compressions once more.

Cal looked toward the door at me, tears brimming in his eyes, and gave his head a slight shake.

"Please Honey" I whispered quietly to myself, "don't go" I whimpered this time as I too had tears building in my eyes.

"You shouldn't be out of bed in this state doc" Jacob spoke in his cheerful voice snapping me from my thoughts. He took me by the arm and led me back toward my RESUS room.

"I think you quiet suit this look" Jacob looked me up and down with an impressed expression to his face, whereas I just looked up at him confused.

"The whole 'ripped pants rugged emotional and injured hero' look, I bet all the girls would be dropping at your feet, I might take a few tips if I may?" He smiled. I stopped in my tracks, pulled my arm from Jacob's gentle grasp and gave him a snarl as I thought of the most polite way I could of telling him to shut up and leave me alone but someone else seemed to save me that job,

"Jacob..." Rita warned as she took over the guiding of me back into the RESUS room.

"Someone get Noel he needs to be there" I whispered, I still had the image of Connie pressing hard down on Honey's chest flashing hauntingly around my head.

"Okay" Rita replied softly, Jacob left to get him.

"And Charlie too" I added as I thought.

"To be with Honey?" She asked confused.

"No, to get checked over he was in the water for a while getting Zoe, he looked terrible when he got out, just check him over" I didn't want to be responsible for another death.

"Okay, we will" she smiled as she guided me toward the bed.

"Dylan too, he's burnt, badly, plus he was in the water" I traced through my mind everything I could say or do to help.

"Alright just sit down" she spoke again in her gentle tone only showing concern for me.

"He hasn't got a home now; he lived on that boat right?" I asked.

"Yes" Rita replied as she checked me over.

"He can stay with me and Cal" I decided, I don't know why...it must have been whatever drugs they have given me talking.

"I'm not sure Cal would be too happy about that" Rita laughed, "to be honest I'm not sure you would be too happy about that" she added in shock.

"I don't care he, he has no one" I shook my head.

"Okay" she replied understandingly.

"Was his dog on the boat?" I asked in dread, all he had was his dog.

"I'm not sure" Rita shrugged.

"No" Zoe spoke out.

"Good" I sighed.

"You're in this state and you're looking out for everyone else" Rita smiled as she gently dabbed away some blood that was on my forehead.

"Not everyone" I shot a glance at her knowingly before I fixed my eyes on the ground in attempt to hide the tears building in them.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

I looked over to Honey's room and made my way to the window. I watched as Connie stood down, she looked around at our colleagues who nodded slowly; she looked up at the clock and called it. Lily switched off the machine she was hooked up to and Noel broke down into tears whilst Cal stormed out the room. I just stood there, watching Noel hug his daughter's lifeless body, the tears that he wept dampening her beautiful brown hair as he held her close and that was it...the end of my wonderful Honey's short life. Tears traced my cheeks as I watched on; I'd seen many deaths in my life but none had hurt me in this way before Honey was something special. I know we hadn't been going out for long but I had never felt this way about a person before, I will miss so many things about that lovely girl in RESUS one...even down to the way she made her teas, no one could make tea quite like Honey. I've never been in love before but I'm pretty sure what I felt for that girl was love, if not, the closest I've gotten to it, maybe the closest I'll ever get to it, nobody could possibly ever be as wonderful as her. I just think back to last time I saw her alive, she was happy, we both were, we were dancing and she was smiling, I remember catching a glimpse of her as the lights on the dance floor shone down at her I'll never forget her beautiful carefree smile, maybe that's why I never made it to her, maybe I wasn't meant to be reunited with her after that so I would always have her happiness embedded into my brain...death for me was black and full of nothingness but maybe that is because it wasn't my time, or because I never fully got there. Maybe someone knew I was going to come back and so they daren't show me the wonders of heaven in case I blabbed my short experience to the world once I woke, oh I hope that's true. I hope Honey is there with the angels making her specialty tea for them all on the clouds or the stairway leading up to the sky that she would always speak of, because that beautiful girl with her beautiful mind deserves such a beautiful ever after.

"I should've gone back in there after her Cal" I whispered as I felt his presence beside me, my eyes were still fixed on crying Noel in the next room.

"There was nothing anyone could do Ethan" he replied as he closed the blinds, cutting off my view of them.

"But if I would've got her from the building at least-" he cut me off.

"There's no way I would've ever let you back in there Ethan, so if you're going to blame anyone for her death- blame me, you've got too much to worry about with your burns now come on, let's get them cleared up"


	17. Heart over head - Chapter four

**Hi everyone! Sorry it's taken me so long to post the last chapter to this story, I've been putting it off for so long because I'm not really too happy about the outcome of it but oh well, here it is. I hope you lot enjoy it more than me haha. I will be continuing with the unanswered questions soon, updates will be towards the end of each week. Thank you for reading this story and all the reviews you have left on it! I won't say goodbye because I'll be back so soon it won't be worth it, Kayxxx :)**

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Heart over head – Chapter four

Ethan had been for his CT scan and was now waiting for the results back in the RESUS room where he managed to get some sleep. Cal and Lofty stood beside his bed, Cal examining him thoroughly, going through his brother's notes and checking him over whilst he slept to ensure that he was okay. He thought best to do his worrying whilst Ethan slept or else he'd just get shunned away by his younger sibling for fussing too much. Lofty awkwardly watched as Cal got lost in his work, mumbling to himself as he thought; he then looked down at his younger and sighed.

"What's it like having a brother?" Lofty spoke out snapping Cal from his thoughts.

"I'm guessing you haven't got one?" Cal forced out a smile as he looked up.

"Only child" Lofty informed him.

"Well it's a strange one...when I was younger I didn't really see him as a brother he was just _there_ but then as I got older I realised he was only one who was ever there, for me. I've done some pretty idiotic things in my life but Ethan has always been there for me to fall back on you know, and now I feel it's time for me to repay that favour and look out for him but seeing him lying here, covered in burns and earlier on tonight fighting for his life- I can't help but feel I've let him down, I'm his big brother yet he's the one looking out for me, surely it should be the other way around?" He shook his head and looked back down at his injured brother.

"You haven't let him down Cal, I think you're a good brother, I'd love to have a brother like you" Lofty admitted sheepishly, Cal looked up at him and smiled but then he was soon snapped out of it,

"If I haven't let him down how come he nearly died? He would _never_ let that happen to me...back when he had the car crash I promised him I'd never let anything happen to him and here we are again, nearly a year later in the same position" He looked away to hide the tears that were building in his eyes.

"Cal you stopped him from going into a burning building tonight, you pulled him out of it in the first place, if it wasn't for you he probably wouldn't have made it tonight" Lofty explained, "and you were the one to sort him out last time, when he had the tamponade, he would've died nearly a year ago if it wasn't for you" He added.

You could physically see Cal shudder at that thought as he looked back down at Ethan.

"I know but still, I feel like I could do more...he's the last thing I've got that matters" he smiled sadly.

"Well you can't exactly wrap him up in bubble wrap Caleb he's a grown man, believe me I would have used that tactic on Louis" Charlie called from the next bed.

"I know" Cal replied understandingly, "I'd be more on edge if you were my brother though Lofty, I thought Ethan was clumsy until I met you" he laughed trying to make light of the conversation, he looked back down at Ethan once more before he stood up straight, "Right then boss, let's check you over" he smiled as he made his way over to Charlie's bed.

* * *

"Caleb!" Ethan called as he sat up suddenly in his bed.

"Is everything okay?" Zoe asked from her bed.

"Um...Where's Cal?" he asked awkwardly. Cal had noticed his brother had woken as he had been constantly checking through the window for any change on him for the past hour.

"What's up?" He asked as he walked into the room.

Ethan slowly got himself up out of bed wincing as he moved, Cal hurried to his side to help him to his feet, "Sit down" Ethan told him.

"Okay?" Cal replied confused as he sat back on Ethan's bed.

Ethan stood before his brother in his hospital gown and covered in bandages. He took his brother's stethoscope from around his neck, "Have you been checked over?" he asked as he placed the stethoscope in his ears.

"Wow flash back to when we were kids and you used to play doctor whilst every other kid was out playing manhunt or football" Cal laughed.

"Just shh" Ethan rolled his eyes and placed the stethoscope on Caleb's chest.

"He never did have the patience" Cal joked to Charlie, using a play on words with the word "patience" and "patients", he watched the smile grow across his younger brother's face as he worked.

"Wow that was awful" Ethan couldn't help but chuckle at his brother's terrible pun.

"I know, you're usually the one to come out with the really crappy jokes" he teased.

"I'll have you know my jokes are great" Ethan shook his head and slowly moved around to Cal's back to have a listen.

"Why are you checking me over anyway? You shouldn't be working" Cal announced concerned.

"You were in that building too breathing in the smoke, everyone who was in the building the time of the fire should get checked over" Ethan replied as he continued to examine his older brother.

"I'm fine, it'll take more than a poxy bit of smoke to affect me" Cal replied smugly as Lofty walked over.

"Ah Lofty, can you book Cal in as a patient, I want a chest X-ray and full blood gas done as soon as possible please, Caleb's breathing is quite muffled-" He was cut off by Cal who snatched his stethoscope from his brother's grasp.

"What seriously?!" He called in worry as he listened to his own breathing with his stethoscope, but realisation soon grew across him as Ethan looked at him knowingly, "that wasn't funny" Cal snapped.

"Stop acting like you're superman then Caleb; you can be just as affected by that fire as anyone else" Ethan replied sternly.

"Are you sure you're not the one who is superman though Ethan? I mean seriously, you were right by a massive explosion of some gas canisters and escaped with a few burns and a cut to the head, surely you must have some sort of superpower" Lofty spoke out impressed.

"Yes I'm actually Clark Kent in disguise" Ethan replied with a smile showing off the geeky inner him.

He then paused as he got lost in his thoughts, Lofty walked over to check on Zoe.

"You're wondering if you're actually that Clark thingy guy aren't you?" Cal spoke amused by Ethan's sudden change in attention.

"What was it like being with mum when she died?" Ethan spat out causing the room to fall silent as everyone listened in to the brothers' conversation.

Cal's smile quickly dropped, "she um...she just slept" he shrugged awkwardly.

"Please be honest Caleb I just want to know what happened, what it would've been like if I was there for her" Ethan urged.

Cal sighed and began, "See _was_ asleep, at first. The nurse Jenny told me she was pretty much already gone and that she won't wake up again because she didn't have the strength but I could go in and say a few words to say goodbye. So I went in and sat down next to her and held her hand...just as I was about to speak she said my name Ethan, before I even spoke, she knew I was there no matter how long it had been since I'd last saw her, and of course I broke down right there and then..." Tears built in his eyes as he thought back.

"She knew you were there for her and I wasn't" Ethan sighed as he sank down into the bed at Cal's side.

"We talked for a while; the first thing she asked me was whether I'd brought along any grandkids for her to meet" He chuckled slightly.

"She always went on at me for that too" Ethan smiled sadly, "...she would've loved to meet Honey" he whispered as a tear escaped his eye but he quickly wiped it away with one of his bandaged hands.

Cal put his arm around his brother in comfort.

"She was talking about when we were younger and just about everything to be honest, it was like she wasn't even ill anymore it was amazing...but, then, she deteriorated again quickly and she passed, but I was just like she just fell asleep, she was holding my hand and she just fell asleep, it was really peaceful" his voice trailed off as his tears now too escaped his eyes.

Ethan clung to every word that came from Cal's mouth, "I should've been there" he whimpered.

"She spoke about you" Cal informed him.

"Really?" Ethan's face lit up.

"Yeah, actually, she never stopped. She said how she was proud of you for starting your new job and told me to make sure you don't beat yourself up about not being there to say goodbye - she knew she was dying, she called me the angel of death" He smiled as he looked down, he looked back up at his crying brother, "but she said thank you, to you for being there all the time, and she told me to look out for you" he added.

"So that's why you stayed?" Ethan asked in realisation.

"Well I actually didn't plan on staying, but then I realised that I needed you as much as you needed me, even if you couldn't see it at the time. Then when I found out that mum made you in charge of my inheritance I knew how serious she was about me staying but then that made me feel forced to stay, I didn't like the thought of that I wanted to stay for out of my own choice, not because you had my inheritance over me, but once you paid me my inheritance I had train tickets ready to leave, but I couldn't leave you Ethan" He admitted as more tears traced his cheeks.

"Oh Caleb" Ethan sighed sadly as the pair of them sat there crying.

Lofty looked at the two brothers talking on the hospital bed and then out of the room where he saw Robyn pull Max in for a hug, "I wish I had a brother" he mumbled.

Robyn walked into the room, noticed Ethan's tearstained cheeks and jumped straight to conclusions, "Oh Ethan I'm so sorry about Honey" she spoke sympathetically as she pulled him in for a hug which he awkwardly returned, "She was lucky to have you" she smiled as she pulled away from hugging him.

"Sorry, what?" Ethan asked confused as to what she was getting at.

"I mean, a doctor going out with a barista, I've not heard that one before" She explained.

"Status means nothing. Honey is- was, one of the most beautiful and kind hearted people I've ever met in my life, she could be one of the top surgeons on the planet or even a stripper or unemployed and I would still have the upmost amount of love and respect for her" He snapped as tears of anger built in his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to touch a nerve" she held up her hands in defence.

"Ethan..." Cal warned.

"Your brother is a porter and he married a consultant today, how is that any different?" Ethan questioned forever defending Honey's side.

"Well it is a bit different; Max actually helps people, Honey just made tea..." Robyn replied awkwardly.

"Ethan!" Cal called as it was evident his blood was boiling.

Ethan looked to find Noel was stood by the door, his anger dropped quickly, "Noel..." he spoke awkwardly.

"I just wanted a word..." Noel replied as he made his way over.

 _"_ _He's going to punch me"_ Ethan thought to himself as Noel approached him, " _He's going to ask me to go outside and he'll punch me, or he'll just punch me here...I don't blame him, I left his daughter in a burning building..."_ he swallowed hard.

"I want you to know that she didn't suffer. Cal said the fumes from the fire made her lose consciousness so she just fell asleep really, but, they did all they could for her and I just wanted to thank you" He smiled slightly.

"Thank me? But for what?" Ethan asked in both surprise and amazement.

"For making her happy, it meant the world to see her smile" Noel held out his hand for Ethan to shake.

Ethan shook Noel's hand with his bandaged one and the older man left.

Cal and Ethan exchanged surprised glances at Noel's response, they both realised simultaneously that everything was going to be okay, it would take a while for things to piece back together again, but it would happen eventually.

"Ah Ethan you're awake" Connie called as she entered the room, "your scan came back clear and I'm confident that you're stable, if Doctor Knight agrees then I'm happy for you to leave tonight" She explained with a smile.

Ethan looked eagerly towards Cal for his reply like a child awaiting permission to buy a new toy, he sighed deeply "Right then, let's get you home, but I mean it Ethan you're taking it easy. Not like last time when you decided you were well enough to go to Jeff's funeral you hear? The most you'll do with your day is play chess or something that doesn't involve too much movement" Cal warned as he picked up his jacket from the side of Ethan's bed.

"Having you run around after my every need again? Sounds good to me" Ethan teased. Cal rolled his eyes at his younger brother's response. "Remind me to never choose my heart over my head again, it never is the right option" Ethan added, Cal gave him a smile and placed his arm over his shoulders, they left together and the healing process began just like last time...


End file.
